So, here we are again…I was talking about my mental illness most commonly called “Oneitis”. So, I think it was after the second term of 10th class when I was hit by it again. I study Maths tutions since 9th class and go in the evening, but I had gone in the morning that day, and that’s when I saw her.
I arrived and sat at the seat in the back, as most seats were occupied. The front row had the tutor and some three more students sitting there, their face towards us. So I saw her sitting right next to Sir, and I thought she is pretty. Then I opened my books and started solving a sum, but my eyes went up again to catch a glimpse of her, I looked down, looked up. I just couldn’t concentrate on the sum, and my eyes would drift towards her. And she wasn’t that pretty, just a normal looking girl, but there was something about her which attracted my eyes towards hers like magnets. I just solved 2 sums that day in 2 hours, can you believe it? I couldn’t. And even when I came home, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I just kept picturing her in my mind. I grew eager to see her again. I saw her again the next morning, following the same pattern of peeping tom. That night I couldn’t sleep, and I kept thinking that I gotta ask her something, just talk to her a little, and I spent the whole night coming up with ideas. But, I wasn’t courageous enough. From then on, I went to tutions every morning, and told my parents that I had to skip school because the syllabus was over, and we didn’t do much in school and I had to start preparing for Pre-Boards. Although the syllabus was finished, but I don’t think it was time to get holidays to study, because we would have 15 days during Christmas holidays, after we came back from our trip(more about it later). I became more regular at tutions than ever before. But, I couldn’t talk to her because she used to sit right next to Sir, and I had a good image, and you know how it is considered here in India about boys being friends with girls out of the school. Also I found out that she was in 11th class, and 1 year older to me. But, after the crush on HD, it hardly mattered to me. I also found out that she studies in MGN school. I also took her picture with my mobile(obviously without letting anyone know).
I started to find ways to gather confidence or gain her attention. I stumbled upon David Angelo’s dating books, which encouraged me, but I was still learning. I also found out about “The Game” by Neil Strauss and love the ideas and the book.I also made a new friend at the tution who was in my class in my school, but I hadn’t really talked much to him in class. He became my best friend and I discussed with him about my crush. We are still best friends, and I sometimes tell him that we should thank her, because if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have become so good friends with him. I also told him about a dream I had about her(more about that later).
After a week, I started going to school again(had to), and came to the tutions in the evening, but I had a hope in my heart that I might see her. But, I didn’t. She just came once on the eve of my trip. By then, all my friends knew about my crush and it was openly discussed on the trip. I met many guys on my trip who I hadn’t talked to in the school, guys from other sections, other classes(9th only). I was pretty confident of myself when I came back and decided that I would talk to her no matter what happens.
But, when I returned I found out that she had left the tutions and she only used to come to clarify her doubts and studied tution somewhere else. I found out her name through a clever conversation with Sir, and told my friend who studies in the MGN to find out a little about her, and I got to know that she was already committed. But, I had lost my seriousness about her by then, and it didn’t bother me much and the feeling has slowly died down. Slowly I have immersed more and more into “The Game”, the art practiced by pick up artists, and now I refer to these crushes as oneitis.
It is something that you have when you don’t have exposure to many girls and you cling on to one. It can only be overcome by indulging yourself with a lot of other girls. But, I just ask myself sometimes, that there must be something about those girls. I could have been attracted to anyone, more beautiful than them, but I was attracted to them. I was attracted to the one playing Lizzie and not the one playing Miranda or Kate; I was hung up on an average looking girl and not much more beautiful ones. Why? I have no answer.