Aashiqui

Iss qadar kyun chahte hain tumhe koi ilm nahi humein

bass chahat ki har hadd kuch iss kadar paar kar jaeyin

dil se nahi rooh se kuch pukaar niklti hai yun

tumhe paakar bass tum mein khud hum simat jaayein

dil cheer kr dekh lo, kuch khabar nhi kyu aisa kuch ho rha hai

bass tumhare ikk chehre ko dekh kar mera yeh dil ro rha hai

kuch yun tumhe apne andar jazb kar paate gar mumkin hota

kuch haalaat alag hote yaa kuch hum insaan alag ho jayein

dil cheer kr dekh lo, tumhara naam likha hai har kone par,

bass ab thake baithe hain har kona iss dhabhe se harra kar jayein

humein kadar nhi unn sab ki jo hum par jaan lutaye baithe hain..

bass tum par aakar aisa kyu lagta hai k sabki jaan luta jayein

tumhari rooh ko chuh lein to shayad jannat ka rasta mile humein

tumhare rooh ko chuh lein to shayad jahanum ko alvida kar jayein..

ikk roz ye soch kr baithe the k aaj bhool jayeinge tumko

ikk roz ye soch kr baithe the k aaj bhool jayeinge tumko

fir socha kya maloom apni pehchaan ka tukda shikast kar jayein..

inn bahon ki bhookh to naa jaane kab se lekar baithe hain

inn bahon ki bhookh to naa jaane kab se lekar baithe hain

iss soch mein ab baithe hain k tere naam ko gumshuda kr jayein

teri jaan.. teri yaad k sadke.. ab iss hasti ko alvida kr jayein

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Therapy

Sometimes, writing is therapeutic, sometimes I write to calm myself, to see the truth, to not be lead astray…

Dil chodd de ye zidd inn dilkash lamho ki,

Inke Haq mukammal ho chuke zamaano ki baat hai

Inn aahton ki dhoop ki chahatein naa kar

Inmein jalke zinda rehna parwaano ki baat hai

 

And then sometimes, it just flows out of me.. like a stream I have no hopes of controlling, I can only wait for it to pass.. and hope that I can hold on, keep my feet on the ground and keep moving

Sab jod k ab chodd de, Iss waqt ka pahiya tod de

Dil dil ka chakkar chod de, Iss mod se ab muh mod le

Kuch dil k tukde baant de, Iss gum ka rasta chodd de

Gumm jaa hadd k galiyaaro se, Ab sharm ka ghunghat oddh le

 

Par maan le kaise baat ye, Iss dil ka dard prakop hai

Lad lein iss duniya se bhi ab, Iss zid ka koi naa tod hai

Ladna mushkil sa hai par ab, Uss nadaani si soch se

Uski baato ki nok se, Usske dil ki uss chot se

 

Anjaan bane baithe hain bass, Ikk  darr se naata jod k

Hain choron ki hum basti mein, aur dil bhi humse chor hai

Lutt kar baithe hain kabse hum, ikk parde ka afsos hai

 

Inn bikhri tooti yaadon ka, kuch mol nhi unn nazro mein

Inn lamho aur tasweero ko anmol banaye baithe hain

Dil se ladne ka zor nhi, Kya haal banaye baithe hain

Random thoughts of a kukoo heart

I had a horrible dream.. it was very sweet and enjoyable actually.. but it left me disturbed when I woke up, at the thought of my inner screwed up sense of love and relationship even if I’m outwardly very enlightened and intelligent about dealing with these matters now.. Anyway, I calmed myself by writing couplets and these are the choice couple out of half a dozen.. halfway decent I’d say 😛

Chahat ke bazaar mein roz ek nayi chahat se dil behlaate hain..

Mohobbat ke deewano ka yaha koi kaam nahi

Perhaps not self explanatory, cuz I had to actually explain it to the couple of people who read it.. here chah carries its literal meaning ‘want’. So what it’s trying to say is that the heart is a jitterbug.. chanchal you know.. it gets attracted to something new everyday.. it gets obsessed with something new everyday.. and it’s very selfish.. the heart wants what the heart wants.. and these wants change everyday as old attractions fade and new ones develop..

Mohobbat here refers to love, which is eternal, not limited to lovers, flowing in all directions, maybe more concentrated towards some people, but it’s not selfish.. it’s a positive feeling.. how can it be negative when there are no expectations.. there are expectations in relationships.. not in love.. it’s boundless..

Anyway.. here’s another one.. self explanatory

Shamaa ke bazaar mein parwaano ka sauda kar aye..

Iss khel ko yaaro hum uski chaukhat par khatm kar aye..

Boht laanat di dil k saudagro ne..

Hum dil k tukdo ka ikk aur taufa kubool kar aye

More on relationships.. and their perceived importance

Relationships can’t really be defined. Sure, we put labels on them, like friends, family, partner, lover, but there is no line that defines each of them separately. I mean is the difference between friends and lovers only sex? but don’t people have sex with strangers? Let’s just say they have different meanings for different people at different points of time. I always defined them as any form emotional connect between two people.

Maybe because of this simplistic interpretation, I’ve always been aloof about relationships. My rationale is pretty full proof too :P. I mean, we have not seen or experienced life without our parents, there is no version of reality where we existed without them. Still when we lose them, life doesn’t stop. We still go on, we learn to live without them. So we must be able to live without anybody. Sure, it might take us time to get over them, but no matter how important they were to us, no matter how dependent we were on them, life doesn’t stop and we learn to cope.

But what about those relationships that we lose along the way. The friends we haven’t called for years who were our other halves, the lovers we thought we couldn’t live without, the acquaintances we lost touch with. What makes these relationships different? Why is it that some relationships leave gashes of despair when they are broken, and some end without so much as a whimper. It’s not like they weren’t deep connections, it’s not like you weren’t dependent on those people, it’s not like you hadn’t shared secrets with them, or hadn’t spent countless hours contemplating the stupidest bullshit, and yet you don’t even feel their absence, you don’t feel that connection slipping from your heart.

So where does the difference lie? I don’t have the slightest idea.

I know it happens, I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. And I do have a theory. I think it’s because of the fact that human beings are selfish assholes. I think the reason we don’t feel the loss of some relationships, is we don’t perceive the importance of the relationship based on the person, but on the role that relationship plays in our life right now.We need certain people to play certain roles in our life at different times, and we value them for that. But, as soon as that role is no longer important, the person loses importance as well.

Maybe that’s how relationships deteriorate. People change, and their needs change, and maybe you are just not needed anymore. Your emotional needs are more like baggage, and there is always a breaking point for how much someone’s willing to carry. Maybe that’s why some relationships sustain, when people change together, you know, “You have gaps, I have gaps, together, we fill gaps”.  I think that’s why it’s a little easier later in your life, to cope with your parent’s death as well. You don’t have that strong a need for that role of a guardian and guide anymore.

Maybe.. but your guess is just as good as mine..

Ramblings about relationships

I used to mock this one friend, whose girl(friend) was kind of moody, got angry frequently, yelled a lot. And although admittedly she’s a fun person when she isn’t being all that, I always advised him.. dude is she worth it for you? Is the drama worth the good times?

These days, I feel I was being a complete idiot 😛

I mean relationships form themselves, you don’t really work actively to develop a relationship with somebody. Even if you do, if there isn’t some genuine feeling behind the action, you both know it. ‘Salesman’ class of people can fool you for some time, but some cracks start to emerge.. eventually. If a relationship is developing, even by conscious effort, beyond a certain point, it’s out of your control.. it’ll keep it’s own pace.. it’ll grow or not grow naturally.. you can’t force it beyond.

And when  a relationship has formed, this is it. It’s a part of you now. There’s no fear or at least there shouldn’t be. You don’t fear your best friend’s gonna choose another friend and then he’s not gonna be a part of your life. Even if that happens, you don’t fear it, or at least you shouldn’t, because it’s out of your hands now, the relationship will charter it’s own course. It’s alive, actively affected by other’s thoughts and actions.

And why I feel like a fool for saying what I said? Because relationships aren’t business transactions, they’re not logical.. they’re random. You can choose to rip it out of your life,sure, but it’s gonna leave scars.. it’s gonna take a part of you with itself. You’ll feel the suffering of the relationship as it rots. And the relationship truly isn’t worth it when it’s being yanked on and pulled because of your actions, or the other person’s actions or the society’s actions. And you’re willing to suffer the pain of cutting a part of yourself because the pain of that thread slowly pulling apart is just too much to bear.

Maybe my opinion will change. Maybe I’ll realize that you can manage relationships logically without feeling you’re putting on an act. Maybe it’ll not feel so fake. Maybe.. it does come naturally to some people.. maybe sociopaths are the ones who really have it all figured out.

Random lines…

Itni vyast kyun rehti ho, lagta hai kisi cheez se bhaag rahi ho.. kya wo zindagi hai ya maut, yeh to tum hi jaanti ho. ya fir shaamil ho hi gayi ho tum bhi iss duniya ki chakachaund mein, paise aur taakat ke iss ghinaune khel mein.. kabhi rook kar dekho, kuch log khade hain raahon mein, tumse keh rahe hain kuch, yeh zindagi koi daud nahi hai, manzil to sabki ek hai. kyon rehti ho betaab tum, zara do pal hume bhi to kaho — me

“Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the “love” of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.” – Eckhart Tolle

Another small point about love..

So.. I was listening to a particular song and this just hit me.. it’s just a small post:

So, if according to my definition, love is unconditional care, then I think I’ve figured out the meaning of this.

“Ishq di mere mitra pehchan ki, mit jaave jado zidd apnaan di”

Well you know, if loving someone is unconditional care.. then being with them or not is just not important you see.. it just matters that they’re with someone who can take of them according to you. I mean if you think you can take the best care of them, then sure.. you wanna be with them.. but If you think someone else can take better care of them.. then you’d want them to be with this person.. it all depends on self confidence, doesn’t it?

Well.. that solves the mystery to Kal Ho Na Ho, Namastey London and all those other love stories where the hero is ready to sacrifice his lady love..

P.S. I know this post isn’t anything important, but it just hit me and I guess I just wanted to share..

P.P.S. Here’s the song I was listening to:

P.P.P.S. That song there is dedicated to a special[definitely] friend[maybe] of mine who has been so so understanding..I just wanna say..

You are the most polite person I’ve ever met.. and I just couldn’t believe how you were taking all my ranting and were still pacifying me and just trying to make me understand, I mean you didn’t get irritated for even one second… and just your overall attitude.. I think I have suffered a big loss losing you as a friend.. anyway.. have a  happy life and keep rocking that attitude!