Therapy

Sometimes, writing is therapeutic, sometimes I write to calm myself, to see the truth, to not be lead astray…

Dil chodd de ye zidd inn dilkash lamho ki,

Inke Haq mukammal ho chuke zamaano ki baat hai

Inn aahton ki dhoop ki chahatein naa kar

Inmein jalke zinda rehna parwaano ki baat hai

 

And then sometimes, it just flows out of me.. like a stream I have no hopes of controlling, I can only wait for it to pass.. and hope that I can hold on, keep my feet on the ground and keep moving

Sab jod k ab chodd de, Iss waqt ka pahiya tod de

Dil dil ka chakkar chod de, Iss mod se ab muh mod le

Kuch dil k tukde baant de, Iss gum ka rasta chodd de

Gumm jaa hadd k galiyaaro se, Ab sharm ka ghunghat oddh le

 

Par maan le kaise baat ye, Iss dil ka dard prakop hai

Lad lein iss duniya se bhi ab, Iss zid ka koi naa tod hai

Ladna mushkil sa hai par ab, Uss nadaani si soch se

Uski baato ki nok se, Usske dil ki uss chot se

 

Anjaan bane baithe hain bass, Ikk  darr se naata jod k

Hain choron ki hum basti mein, aur dil bhi humse chor hai

Lutt kar baithe hain kabse hum, ikk parde ka afsos hai

 

Inn bikhri tooti yaadon ka, kuch mol nhi unn nazro mein

Inn lamho aur tasweero ko anmol banaye baithe hain

Dil se ladne ka zor nhi, Kya haal banaye baithe hain

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Ship of Theseus

I just finished watching Anand Gandhi’s Ship of Theseus. It’s an amazing piece of art by the way. One of the most beautiful and moving films I’ve ever seen. Anyway, I visited their FB page and there was a contest for free DVDs or something, and I just entered on a whim. In the form, there was a question, Is it still the same ship? Huh.. that got me thinking. So I just wanted to repost my response here, which came pouring out of my heart, through my fingers, some thoughts I didn’t even know existed. I just wanted to keep a record of this here.

From an outside perspective, for all intents and purposes, I’d argue that it’s still the same ship, because it’s playing the same role and the same part with respect to all the people that interact with it. We are not primarily defined by our own inner thoughts and ideas, but by our actions, our relationships, our gestures, our place in society and how we effect the world around us. It’s like batman said, it’s not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me.
As far as the innermost self is concerned, it’s constantly changing. Each moment, each thought, each realization changes something inside of us that we can’t undo. We keep learning, we keep unlearning, and so we keep changing. Something that was so important to us moments ago, may no longer hold any value. So are we ever the same even if the body, the cells remain the same? Aren’t we reborn with new thoughts and ideas every second? Yet, we perceive our inner self to be the same.
You can choose to look at it any way you like, just as described so beautifully in the film, you don’t know where you end and where your environment begins.

P.S. You can watch the movie for free here: http://cineoo.com/sot/  Do watch it, it’s pretty brilliant.

Love… and all that jazz

Love.. one of the big questions in life.. what is it?

It’s been floating around in my mind for some time and I thought it was time I got it out, just to de-fog my mind.

I guess by now, we’ve all made perceptions about it. For example, for my room-mate, it is something divine, beyond normal words like “care”, “like” and it’s a big motivator in life.

I think most of my friends don’t even think about it.. it just is.. but I’ve got this curse or blessing that my mind loves overworking and I can’t control it.

So, let me put it all in my words. I first started to think about love when I had my first crush. My first definition was “Nature’s trick to get us to mate” and my explanation for that feeling was that I was crazy and filmy.

And maybe my filminess was very adamant, cuz it happened again. Needless to say, it was a crush, and I figured that I was just attracted to her.. Love still had the same definition for me.

But with time I’ve grown up, and I like to think that I’ve matured too [:)]

And now, I think that love is nothing other than unconditional care. I mean there are various points supporting my theory. Parents care for us no matter what we become. Anyone else doesn’t… they love and expect, so maybe not unconditional love.. but in that league. And it happens when we get used to people.. I mean we get attached to them, their nuances, their vices and their good habits. Everything else is just our need for social attachment or attraction, based on the kind of love. So, I could fall in love with any girl as long as I stay with her for a long time/some time. I figured that’s how arranged marriages work.

So.. a good definition right?

I thought so too.. until I got intrigued by another girl. I can’t say it was attraction cuz I’ve never thought about any of the girls mentioned above like that. I was always just intrigued.. wanting to know more about them. I could say that I was trying to fill mental holes.. but I wasn’t looking for anything like that.. at least not this year… it just happened.

I’m not saying this is love. I’m just trying to figure life out. Cuz that’s what humans try to do, isn’t it? Finding patterns, setting theories and testing them to confirm. We like to believe that there are some ground rules and we can learn them and live life easily.. but I guess life surprises you like this…

Tell me if you’ve got something to contribute

Death

Why are we so afraid of death? Is it the fear of the unknown? I bet it is.

But, that begs the question that why we are afraid of the unknown. What is it that we are so afraid of that we want to elongate our lives at any cost? Why do want to continue living even if in the most miserable condition?.. even if we have lost the ability to enjoy it?

When we enter this world, everything is unknown to us. And yet we are more curious than afraid… as children I mean. When we go to a new country or town, we are excited about finding out new things, but ofcourse we could argue that we already know about some things which are common all over the world, like humanity, shame, sex, and so on.

So, what is it about growing up in this world that makes us afraid of the unknown? Do we get so accustomed to the world and the rules applied to it, that we cannot imagine to comprehend something that might be entirely different from here.. which is I guess why we have fabricated a heaven and hell, where the same rules apply as this world.

The reason I’m wondering about death is because a close relative of mine has been diagnosed with cancer for the third time, and the doctors predict that she may not live for very long.

I wonder what it must feel like to have a sword hanging on your head, slowly dipping down, and you can feel every time it passes near to your head. I always think that if I were to be told about my time of death, I would do something like the bucket list, i.e. make a list about everything I want to do in this world and then jot down my life history, uninteresting even though it may be. But I wonder, would I really be able to go through with it? and would it be really worth it? Would I finally feel satisfied on my death bed that I have completed everything I ever wanted to do? or would I still feel the need to stay on a little more..

Seems like I’m rambling on a little, so let’s bring this to a close with this wonderful quotation:

To the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure.

— Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

Monotony

I know I haven’t posted in quite long, like 10 days, and haven’t posted anything worthwhile in like a month (but then, have I ever?)… but the thing is that there is nothing to post about. My life has become boring and monotonous… the last interesting thing that happened in my life was when my friend told me to find a girl of Jalandhar who was also studying at Bansals and get her post something for his friend, who she was friends with (I know, pretty confusing!). Well you know how grave the situation is when you label something like that as interesting, and this also happened like a week ago. My whole day contains of the following things:

1. Sleeping (a lot of it)

2. Eating (very little..really)

3. Going to the classes (and listening to the profs trying to make sense of KTG and stuff)

4. Studying a little (really really little)

5. Surfing the internet (forcibly, even if I can’t find anything)

6. Reading a book or watching a movie (for which I have to wait for like a day and a half to complete downloading)

Yes, that is all I have been doing, locked up in my room (except for going to the classes), for the last 2 months or so. My friends call me and all I have to say is that I have nothing new to say, so if they don’t either, then we might as well hang up. I guess that all confusion part was a desperate attempt of my mind to spice up my life, cuz that has also totally died down too. It’s like my life is about surviving, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the world, and not living.. I would be happy if I was doing something I loved.. but I’m not and so I am going where the wind takes me (though I am heavy for it and there is a lag). And the worst part is that I don’t know what to do about it, cuz I can’t see how my life was any different before I came into this shithole….

No, wait, that’s not the worst part… the worst part is that the dark knight is not releasing here. How long have I been waiting for it? Well, not long, just like a year… and now its not releasing in kota. I mean the people here must be as dumb as fu*k, cuz when I went into the inox here (the only theatre here) to ask about the timings, they didn’t even know there was a film by that name, and isn’t it like the biggest movie of the year? generating oscar buzz before even releasing? but no, these ignorant guys don’t even know about it and on top of that, don’t know how to talk to people properly.. I mean who is getting PAID for costumer service here? I am so gonna look back to living in kota as the worst in my life, at least up until now. Anyway, that is not the point of the post.

Now, that I have bored you completely (wakey wakey!) with my rant about my life here, the news of the day is that as I can’t find anything to post here… I am gonna start digging up the past and try my hand at fiction and stuff. Let’s see how it goes.

P.S. – If you feel like killing me after reading this mind numbingly boring and pointless post, you are welcome to come here and try your hand at it, I mean at least it would add some adventure 😉

P.P.S. Yesterday while watching Schindler’s List (again), a thing occured to me, that could the holocaust happen in this age and time with muslims, like jews during the WW2? Or does democracy play too important a role to let that happen now? Leave your opinion in the comments.

P.P.P.S.(This is the last one, promise) – How is the new header? Was the previous one better or this one?

The Race begins……………

Not exactly a race, but whatever is going on is pretty rushed. I’m moving to Kota soon, to study in Bansal Classes and the preparations have begun. What with buying new clothes, buying new lowers, new undergarments, new socks, shoes and much more stuff which can be read on my mother’s list. She wants to buy everything here, but I’m trying to convince her that most of the stuff can also be bought in Kota, so there’s no use of carrying extra burden. But she’s right too, my parents are just gonna be there for 1 and a half day and have to arrange everything including a PG, and make arrangements for my food too.

I’m not that scared or worried that I’m going into a new city. I am only a little sad because I have to leave all my friends behind. Only 1 guy from my previous class(Binny) is coming. I gave a little good bye party to my close friends today(when they should give me a farewell, aren’t they total asses!). We had planned to watch Krazzy 4, but it got pretty bad reviews, so we dropped the idea. We bowled, played pool, and had lots of pizza today, all on my expense btw. But, I’m gonna miss them, even if I wasn’t going, we had divided. Everyone was going to different schools for +1. I have really gotten into the song “Dil Chahta Hai” these days. I even watched the movie twice. Anyway, that’s why I’m taking a laptop with me, to access internet and stay connected. Another reason I wanna take a laptop with me is because I wanna remain sane. There’s gonna be no TV, no nothing and those “padhakoos” in kota are gonna bore me with their study talks. I don’t believe in studying too much and this laptop will me my TV, music system, theatre and a way to stay connected to the rest of the society. The problem starts here, cuz I’m very confused between Dell and HP. Everyone has advised me to buy HP, although Dell is better, because there is no service center in my city. I have decided to go with HP, but suggestions are welcomed. I’m also confused with wireless internet service, whether I should go with Tata Indicom or Reliance…suggestions are welcomed again on this topic.

So I am ready for a new experience as this chapter of my life closes as I turn 16. May God be with me……..

PS- Sorry, there was no Roadies post, cuz MTV is not there on my TV anymore, because of the cable provider.

PPS- Ish, aisi bhi kyaa naraazgi ho gayi, ki comment ka reply hi nahi kiya. Agar koi galti ho gayi to I’m SORRY.

IF………………….

I searched stuff about Rudyard Kipling when I watched a movie called “My Boy Jack”, and loved it and I found this beautiful poem called “IF…”. I won’t comment, just enjoy the poem………..

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling