I know I haven’t posted in quite long, like 10 days, and haven’t posted anything worthwhile in like a month (but then, have I ever?)… but the thing is that there is nothing to post about. My life has become boring and monotonous… the last interesting thing that happened in my life was when my friend told me to find a girl of Jalandhar who was also studying at Bansals and get her post something for his friend, who she was friends with (I know, pretty confusing!). Well you know how grave the situation is when you label something like that as interesting, and this also happened like a week ago. My whole day contains of the following things:

1. Sleeping (a lot of it)

2. Eating (very little..really)

3. Going to the classes (and listening to the profs trying to make sense of KTG and stuff)

4. Studying a little (really really little)

5. Surfing the internet (forcibly, even if I can’t find anything)

6. Reading a book or watching a movie (for which I have to wait for like a day and a half to complete downloading)

Yes, that is all I have been doing, locked up in my room (except for going to the classes), for the last 2 months or so. My friends call me and all I have to say is that I have nothing new to say, so if they don’t either, then we might as well hang up. I guess that all confusion part was a desperate attempt of my mind to spice up my life, cuz that has also totally died down too. It’s like my life is about surviving, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the world, and not living.. I would be happy if I was doing something I loved.. but I’m not and so I am going where the wind takes me (though I am heavy for it and there is a lag). And the worst part is that I don’t know what to do about it, cuz I can’t see how my life was any different before I came into this shithole….

No, wait, that’s not the worst part… the worst part is that the dark knight is not releasing here. How long have I been waiting for it? Well, not long, just like a year… and now its not releasing in kota. I mean the people here must be as dumb as fu*k, cuz when I went into the inox here (the only theatre here) to ask about the timings, they didn’t even know there was a film by that name, and isn’t it like the biggest movie of the year? generating oscar buzz before even releasing? but no, these ignorant guys don’t even know about it and on top of that, don’t know how to talk to people properly.. I mean who is getting PAID for costumer service here? I am so gonna look back to living in kota as the worst in my life, at least up until now. Anyway, that is not the point of the post.

Now, that I have bored you completely (wakey wakey!) with my rant about my life here, the news of the day is that as I can’t find anything to post here… I am gonna start digging up the past and try my hand at fiction and stuff. Let’s see how it goes.

P.S. – If you feel like killing me after reading this mind numbingly boring and pointless post, you are welcome to come here and try your hand at it, I mean at least it would add some adventure 😉

P.P.S. Yesterday while watching Schindler’s List (again), a thing occured to me, that could the holocaust happen in this age and time with muslims, like jews during the WW2? Or does democracy play too important a role to let that happen now? Leave your opinion in the comments.

P.P.P.S.(This is the last one, promise) – How is the new header? Was the previous one better or this one?

Hello again!

Hey you guys! I hope you haven’t forgotten me. Let me introduce myself again. It’s Perx, with my wierd little alias. I know I don’t post regularly, but I’ll try to be from now on. Ok, so i’ve got two tags and some news about Kota.

Well, as everyone knows that the conditions in Rajasthan, especially near Kota, aren’t pleasant. Terrorism is on the rise. Although there hasn’t been much violence in the city, you might find a case or two. Infact a boy was killed, in our street with a knife, but it was a late night incident and only few people know, even I got to know from somewhere else, and am not sure even if it’s true. There is some panga about the Gurjars. And the thing is that these guys have broken the rail tracks. So no courier or passengers can come in or go out. My new Sony Ericsson K950i is waiting to be sent in my old city. The mobile that I previouly had, a chines one, has totally stopped working, and I use Nokia 1200 until my parents can come to Kota with my phone. I think that they should just cancel reservation for all, no partiality would happen that way. But that’s a whole another topic.

The big news is that I’ve shifted to a new PG. Vipul is still in the older room. The place was good, but the only thing was I didn’t like the landlord and vice versa. The place where I now live, belongs to a retired couple, whose kids have jobs abroad. Actually my mom met the lady on the train, when my parents were going back. The fountain that she is, my mom was crying, and this lady also started crying. I guess, that developed a strange kind of bond between them. Anyway, the room is nice, but I feel a little lonely here. I mean I was living for a month and a half, being constantly surrounded by people, and suddenly, I am alone. I guess it will take some time getting used to being alone AGAIN.

The Bansal review test went very bad. I am in R8 right now and obviously, wanna go up. In subjective, I thought I’d get 15/20 in Maths, 40/50 in Chem and 40/50 in Physics. But guess what, I just got 12.5/50 in Maths, 19/50 in Physics and 17/50 in Chem. I am like totally depressed. But, I am hoping for good marks in objective test, atleast 75/150. I wanna atleast stay in R and not go into S. So, I’ve decided to work hard from now. Just today, I was thinking that the last month was like a dream, you know, like while watching “FRIENDS”, you think that one day, you would like to live like this too. And now is when the real struggle begins. Let’s see how it goes.

UPDATE: As I was writing this, the results got announced. I got 78 in objective and got Q6 which is a much higher batch. Now I’m happy. And BTW Vipul got P5, he was in Q2 earlier.

8 Things Me

I got the first tag from Sneezy Melon of “The Goofy Express“. I have to tell 8 random facts about me. I think it could take me a day to think those…..

1) I am Sikh. Yes, if you didn’t know, I am a Sikh. As much as I don’t want hair as long as a girl has, the Indian society is narrow minded. My parents won’t say no, if I insisted on getting my hair cut, but as long as I am dependent on them, I don’t want them to face embarrassment, so I’ll do that when I get independent. See, I don’t think you need long hair to be a Sikh. Just by going to the Gurudwara, or wearing a turban, keeping a beard, putting money in the golak and bending in front of the Guru Granth Sahib, you can’t be a real Sikh. I have not been to a Gurudwara in 2 years, I believe God is everywhere. I don’t put money in the golak, because that does not go to poor, but to the pockets of managers. I’d rather feed the poor. I don’t read the jabji sahib, cuz I think that God doesn’t need a particular language to be prayed in. I think that the one who respects the Holy book and practices the deeds given is more of a sikh than the one doing all the other things I said above. Sorry, I guess this topic needs a post of its own. Moving on…….

2) I was the Head boy of my school, the worst there ever was. I didn’t even wanna be the head boy in the first place. I didn’t think I deserved it, I even told my class teacher to pass on the title to that boy, but she said that the decision had been made. There decision turned out to be wrong for them, according to me…….

3) I have a weird habit of connecting myself with every great personality. I try to find similarities between us and then think that maybe I’m their re-incarnation. So far, I have considered myself to be a re-incarnation of Bhagat Singh, Einstein, Shakespeare, Gandhi, Walt Disney, Mozart, and many more….

4) I don’t like dogs, cats, even pups, horses or any other kind of animal or insect. You don’t know what’s going on in their heads, and they might hurt you at any time. So I hate them and am afraid of them.

5) I don’t like to fight. I mean I have fought with my sister many times, but my views have changed now. I think fights and wars are a problem in themself and not a solution to any problem, so I believe in forgiving and forgetting. But, mind you I’m afraid of getting beaten either.

6) I hate myself. Yes, I hate the way I look, the way I think, the way I talk. I wish I could change everything like through a computer program or something, like photoshop, where they even got previews.

7) I daydream, and that’s all I do. I think and make plans about the future and forget to study in the procedure. Whenever, I see something, like on TV, about a family or something, I start thinking about what I would do differently if it were my decision……I think u get the point. BTW, my biggest dream is being immortal.

Tag No. 2 (As stolen from Ish)

i am: ugly.
i think: constantly, about too many things at a time.
i know: that I’ll succeed if I try hard.
i want: to talk to my crush once, to know what it was that attracted me to her.
i have: dual personalities.
i wish: I could be a movie director.
i hate: studying.
i miss: my friends from my city.
i fear: death and ghosts.
i feel: confused, about life.
i hear: numbness, the sound of loneliness.
i smell: some socks which are unwashed.
i crave: for love, real pure love.
i search: my soul, my heart, trying to unravel it’s secrets.
i wonder: if I’ll ever be at peace.
i regret: having opted for non medical.
i love: watching movies.
i ache: for all the people who are doing what they don’t want to do.
i care: for my family, friends and some other people.
i always: look for the deeper meaning.
i am not: religious at all. I believe in Guru Nanak, Krishna, and Hanuman equally.
i believe: that I’ll go crazy one day.
i dance: to the tunes of fate.
i sing: along with listening to songs. People tend to spread away, when I start listening to songs.

I tag anyone who would like to do these tags.


Yeah, I have been looking for an inspiration ever since I have come to Kota. I had decided upon IIT for one simple reason. I had decided that as IITians get the highest paid jobs, I’d work for like 5 years, and then go to LA to join a film institute to become a director, as I wanted to join Hollywood and get in touch with HD. But, as that one-itis was dropped, I wasn’t sure what to do, and decided to go for IIT only.

But, I have been suffering ever since I have come here. I don’t want to study hard, I want to enjoy life. And today IITians have to do MBA to get good jobs, and I think that the salary would have been good enough even if I did an MBA after doing CA or something. I don’t have anything that can keep me going, something that can inspire me to study, no real motive, nothing, cuz the standard of IIT has really dropped in my eyes after getting to know how stuff works there.

Also, I have been really disappointed with Bansal Classes. I thought that people came here to gain knowledge, not just learn the same old stuff, but boy, was I wrong. Their only aim is IIT, which might work for most people, but doesn’t for me. I have a thirst for knowledge, not for cramming. And even the IITs are only about the GPA.

So due to lack of inspiration, my mind has been looking around. Strangely, my oneitis have returned, yes both of them. I notice every girl walking past me, which I never did before. Maybe I’m spoiling myself, but I understand that my mind is looking for inspiration. I don’t know what to do. I think that if I don’t get a good batch after the first test, maybe I’ll go back. I mean what is the use of living without facilities, when you don’t even want to do what you have come to do.

I don’t know if it’s wrong or right, I’m totally confused, more than I ever was.

P.S. I forgot to tell you all, It was my 16th birthday on 18th April.

Why and How?

I apologize for the fact that I haven’t written a post in the last twenty days. I have been planning to write a day by day analysis of my life in Kota, for a week, and haven’t been able to do it, so I gave the plan up today, and I’ll just write it generally, but it’s gonna be a long post. BTW thanks to the people who inquired why I hadn’t posted including Ish and tigger.

My journey began on the night of 16th April. I had a lot of work to do that day and I was backing up my Desktop data till the moment my father was shouting for me to come down, as we had to leave for the railway station. I wasn’t very sad, but I knew I was gonna miss my friends a lot. So we reached the station, caught our train, and I embarked on a new journey, leaving behind a closed chapter of my book. But, was it really closed so soon? I would live in Jalandhar ever again like I used to…. but how could it end in just fifteen years…. so many plots of the chapter were still undeveloped, or not finished. But, I had to move on.

My parents were coming with me and Vipul(Binny) and his parents were there with us too. It was so exiting… starting something new… you know that rush of getting into a new life routine. But, I sure didn’t know then, that it would turn out to be so difficult. The next morning I spent talking to Vipul and getting to know him better…. we had not been very good friends in school, more like acquaintances or someone you hear about from your friends. Last evening, Sarvesh had called me to tell me that Vipul “ki setting ho gayi hai.” I asked him about it and surprisingly he told me all about it. I also spilled my beans about the oneitises. Well, they didn’t really matter to me much then.

When we reached in Kota, it was hell hot. My father’s friend’s brother, was there to receive us. My father wanted to book the rooms in advance, but the man was like, “It would be done, we would get you whatever hotel you would like” on the telephone. But I had some idea, that many people would be there, and we won’t get a place easily. We hotel hunted all afternoon and after many no availabilities, had to stay in a 3rd grade hotel. It wasn’t so bad, but bad according to our standards, or for that matter according to standard of many people. The rooms weren’t clean, were small, the walls were dirty, the bathroom wasn’t so clean, but we had to adjust.

After hotel hunting, came PG hunting. It was hard and frustrating, as there were many institutes in Kota, with no arrangement of Hostels by the institutes due to which the demand of good PGs was high. My mother threatened me that if we didn’t find a good enough PG, they would take me back with them. Vipul’s dad’s some relative showed us some rooms in Indravihar, but he also said that it was pretty late, most good rooms were already booked. Wherever we went, either the rooms were already booked, or only one was available or the rooms weren’t good, or they had common bathroom or the lavatory seat was Indian style. Me and Vipul don’t know how to operate that way…. call us spoilt, but we have never used or been taught to use Indian style lavatories. Anyway, so it was really difficult. At last we had to settle for a single room, with a double bed and two almirahs. The landlord’s were the relative’s brother, who they didn’t talk to anymore…. so we did the deal ourselves. We had dinner at the relative’s place. We also saw a tennis racket type thingy which has current in the net and is used to kill mosquitoes, for which Kota is pretty famous. We bought one for our room the next day. Anyway, the relatives were pretty nice people, and I mixed up with them quite easily… making jokes and all. They told us that students were easily beaten up here by local boys and police didn’t do anything. So Vipul was advised to keep his head down, as he was quite an influential dude, where he lived, you know what I mean. We returned to the hotel and that was the last time we saw them. By the way, maybe I shouldn’t say this, but Vipul’s dad is like the biggest Kiss-ass I’ve ever seen. He has a wierd style of saying, “Acha acha achachachach” really fast and is a big ass kisser, praising every word by saying, “Kya baat hai”, or “Maza aa gaya.”

Next day in the morning, was my introductory class. We were getting late, and we took breakfast(a bread pakora) sitting in the auto-rickshaw. There was a long lecture by Mr. V.K. Bansal, but it was good. I mean it gave you the feel for the first time that you are here, in Kota, to study in Bansal classes. But it was a 3 hour long class, and I hadn’t brought a water bottle with me. Whenever Bansal drank water, mann karta tha, chaper maar ke paani cheen lun. At the end of the class, they told us about our batches. Mine was R8. The batches are from P1 to S10. So, I was pretty far behind, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. But, I drank the pain as a bottle of dew and went on the shopping spree waiting for us. It was pretty easy, but it was really very hot, which made it tiresome. We also purchased bicycles, as it is the mode of transportation used by most students here. It was a weird feeling to drive a bicycle after like 4 years, and I also remembered how I used to fall every time I took out my bicycle. While I was in the class, our mothers set up our room. But the room is very small, and one of my bags, containing my books, novels and dvds is still unpacked. Vipul’s class was in the evening and he got Q2. Saala, I am smarter than him….. but it doesn’t matter. The batches will be reshuffled after the first test on May 25th. So that night I washed my hair, so that the “juda” done by my mom would last another week. Truly, that was the only thing I was dependent on my mother for, anatomically, at this late age. That day, I also got to know that Vipul ate a lot. The man ate two bread pakodas at 9, then 2 samosas and sprite at 11:30 and 5 chapatis in lunch at 1:30. I mean, I juat eat two chapatis a meal and he looks thinner than me (although he’s not). The next day, early morning, our parents went back and we had two free days before classes began.

The next two days went by pretty quickly. We watched movies on the laptop (who’s volume capabilities sucks), talked to each other and got to know each other better. We are much closer friends now. We also got to know the dude living in the room right by our room, who’s from Ludhiana. He seems to have been pretty spoilt in Ludhiana (girls and fights wise). He is also in Bansal in S5 batch. But, he’s a good kid…. and is sometimes overconfident about his success which he veils as positive thinking. Also, he’s crazy about Amway, as his father does network marketing for Amway and he uses all the supplements and other products made by them. He is also sometimes a little irritating. We also met 3 other guys from Gwalior. One, who doesn’t talk much with us, but is supposed to be pretty intelligent. The other is a total Joker, I mean you just sit with him for a few minutes and you would be laughing your guts out. Their mothers still stay with them and would be leaving in May end. The last one is a IT dude, I mean he’s into computers so we have a good tuning. But, none of these guys watch much movies, and I am a movie buff, so I can’t talk much about movies around them. We now know much about them and we know much about them. Its surprising that we have become good friends in so few days. We also have gotten into the habit of mimicry of the landlord and his family. Me and Vipul also imitate our old teacher and the new science ones. Its really funny.

No one like the landlord our of all of us. He is a middle aged man who smokes a lot, and once when he was sitting in the Verandah, he told Vipul to pick up the stool like “Kamod chakk liya”. We now call him Kamod wale uncle. He is not a nice man btw, and got rude with me once for no apparent reason. I try to avoid him and his family as much as possible.

We eat food at a mess called Annapurna, and the food isn’t so bad, but it isn’t good either. I have decreased my food intake has decreased because I don’t like the food here. And my jeans are starting to become loose, which I consider good news. The most surprising part about the city is that, despite being a major industrial city, It doesn’t have any McDs, Pizza Hut, Dominoes or even a Cafe Coffee day. All the fast food you get commonly is samasos, kachoris and patties, which they fill up with sauces and namkeen like a gol gappa. There a couple of restaurants nearby which have ok-ok fast food. We just had some last night as the mess was closed.

We have been searching for a new PG for 2 or 3 days, which has 2 rooms available and all the facilities we need. We have searched all houses with a board of “room for students” on it, but didn’t find anything nice. We did find an apartment and and a hostel, but everyone has been suggesting against staying in a hostel, so I guess that’s out. But, everything was almost final about the apartment, infact we were gonna give the advance this evening, but Vipul feels like this place is better. And to tell you the truth, I think so too, as at the flat, we will have to take care of many things ourselves, and there will be just the two of us there. So we have decided to stay here only for now.

The classes are OK, but I kind of feel that I could have done studying like this at home also. The thing is that they haven’t put much pressure on us yet, as the second installment of the fees. But still, the 6 or even 3 of us, when study together, spend most of the time joking around. And I haven’t studied in two days. The thing is ki padhne ka mann hi nahi karta yaar……… and the room is a mess because of all the stuff accumulated, which is also a big turn off. We have our first test on 25th May, which is 6 hours long, and after that the batches will be re-shuffled. And I have totally decided that if I don’t get in the first few batches, I’m going back…. it seems like the sensible thing to do….cuz our senior(who is a genius btw) told us that good teachers are only alloted to the first few batches. So lets see where life takes me next.

The Race begins……………

Not exactly a race, but whatever is going on is pretty rushed. I’m moving to Kota soon, to study in Bansal Classes and the preparations have begun. What with buying new clothes, buying new lowers, new undergarments, new socks, shoes and much more stuff which can be read on my mother’s list. She wants to buy everything here, but I’m trying to convince her that most of the stuff can also be bought in Kota, so there’s no use of carrying extra burden. But she’s right too, my parents are just gonna be there for 1 and a half day and have to arrange everything including a PG, and make arrangements for my food too.

I’m not that scared or worried that I’m going into a new city. I am only a little sad because I have to leave all my friends behind. Only 1 guy from my previous class(Binny) is coming. I gave a little good bye party to my close friends today(when they should give me a farewell, aren’t they total asses!). We had planned to watch Krazzy 4, but it got pretty bad reviews, so we dropped the idea. We bowled, played pool, and had lots of pizza today, all on my expense btw. But, I’m gonna miss them, even if I wasn’t going, we had divided. Everyone was going to different schools for +1. I have really gotten into the song “Dil Chahta Hai” these days. I even watched the movie twice. Anyway, that’s why I’m taking a laptop with me, to access internet and stay connected. Another reason I wanna take a laptop with me is because I wanna remain sane. There’s gonna be no TV, no nothing and those “padhakoos” in kota are gonna bore me with their study talks. I don’t believe in studying too much and this laptop will me my TV, music system, theatre and a way to stay connected to the rest of the society. The problem starts here, cuz I’m very confused between Dell and HP. Everyone has advised me to buy HP, although Dell is better, because there is no service center in my city. I have decided to go with HP, but suggestions are welcomed. I’m also confused with wireless internet service, whether I should go with Tata Indicom or Reliance…suggestions are welcomed again on this topic.

So I am ready for a new experience as this chapter of my life closes as I turn 16. May God be with me……..

PS- Sorry, there was no Roadies post, cuz MTV is not there on my TV anymore, because of the cable provider.

PPS- Ish, aisi bhi kyaa naraazgi ho gayi, ki comment ka reply hi nahi kiya. Agar koi galti ho gayi to I’m SORRY.

Yep, the system sucks………….

We have just proved that Indian politicians have sold their souls to the devil and now just live on votes. They would go to any extent for getting and securing votes. They think that doing good work will not have them elected, but rigging vote booths and saving a vote bank by dividing India will.

A latest example is the clearance of the OBC quota law. Now, the SCs, STs and OBCs will have a total of 49.5% reservation in all central universities including IIT, IIM and even JNU and DU. The cream layer of OBC will be excluded which includes, kids of judges and gov. officers, and kids of other wealthy parents. Even the private universities have to follow this, which is unconstitutional according to one of the judges deciding the case. You tell me, is it necessary today that reservations should be kept. Sure it was when certain caste people weren’t given admission in temple schools, but now no one asks about your caste when you go to get admission anywhere except when you fill it out yourself. How is it needed anymore? How forward do they wanna take India when our Government keeps dividing us on caste bases and then asks us to be tolerant of others? They just want to get votes.

And in this so called “Democarcy”, the Government doesn’t even want to hear the public out. The so many possessions and morchas have been squashed, students have been killed and lathi charges are common. So, they are taking away our only right which we could practice without restrictions. And the CJI has to say on this that, “Reservation is one of the many tools that are used to preserve….essence of equality so that disadvantaged groups can be brought to the forefront of civil life.” What disadvantaged groups? When people don’t discriminate, why does the government? I’ll tell you what, the parties should give their votebank a 100% reservation, and we shall be pushed out to other countries, cuz that what it looks like, we are halfway there.

I wanna clarify that I am not writing against the SC, ST, or OBCs, but against the way Democracy is practiced in India. I might even be charged under the law for speaking against the Government cuz the right to speech is not of importance anymore, cuz if mass protests are crushed, who am I? Our fundamental rights are taken away, and then they call out to us to fulfill our fundamental duty of voting which is already rigged with gifts and fake votes and hollow promises. Well I say this to those people:

Well, anyway enjoy your votebank. My faith in democracy has been broken. Communism or anything else, anyone?

BTW, I got admission in Bansal Classes……………..