Fanaa…

Anjaan hain dil k halaato se hum, ghumon ki surahi se khushi k jaam peete hain

Yu ulajh chuke the zindagi k dhaage, k tod kar hi sukoon sulajhne ki ummed karte hain)

Ikk aakhri dor atk rhi hai saanso ki, tut jaane ki dua kabool ho ye dua krte hain

Gir rhe hain andhere karmo ki gehrai mein, ab bass jahannum k darwaaze ke sahaare liya karte hain

 

Naa jane kab girne lagi fir ankhuli aankho par roshni, Ikk farishte ki tasveer si tatolte hain

Beshaq koi khel khel rhi hain ye ummed ki kirne, inn ankhon par bhale ab tak bharosa kar kiya karte hain

Saari umr lga kar nafrat k khazane kamaaye hain, kayi paak dilo par dhoke k daag lagaaye hain

Iss noor k aakhri deedar ki ijaazat yu farmaan hui, iss kismat par pakiza hone ka ilzaam ab lagate hain

Gar maut ki panah haasil kar chuke hain.. kisi ki dua k sadke hi jannat ki jhalak ka mazaa utha rahe hain

 

Purani yado ka bawandar kuch aisa panapne lga fakat, uska wo aakhri kalma hawayein gungunati hain

K kya fark hai batao meri chahat aur tumhaari mohobbat mein, jo farishte bewafaai ke ilzaam lgate hain

 

Kya kehte hum dil ka haal ye soch kar katrate the, fir bi sadaiyo se chupe raaz kuch yu sunate the

Tum chahat mein apne dil ki zidd ki hifaazat karte ho, hum mohobbat mein teri ruh ki ibaadat karte hain

Tum shayad hume paane ki beparwaa umeed karte ho, hum beparwaa anjaam tumse mohobbat karte hain

Ikk zindagi ka khayal bhar hai kisi benaam shayar ka, ikk zindagi ka sarmaya sa bayaan karti hai

 

Inn yaado ke nashe mein bass zindagi ko alvida kar dein, issi ummeed mein roshni se mu fer lete hain

Qayaamat tak le ske khuda ki har sza hass kar, iss manzar ko hum aankhon mein to ab yu kaid karte hain,

Jisse zindagi bnaya uske haatho maut ka taufa mila, iss tameel ka shukriya ada hum roz karte hain

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Therapy

Sometimes, writing is therapeutic, sometimes I write to calm myself, to see the truth, to not be lead astray…

Dil chodd de ye zidd inn dilkash lamho ki,

Inke Haq mukammal ho chuke zamaano ki baat hai

Inn aahton ki dhoop ki chahatein naa kar

Inmein jalke zinda rehna parwaano ki baat hai

 

And then sometimes, it just flows out of me.. like a stream I have no hopes of controlling, I can only wait for it to pass.. and hope that I can hold on, keep my feet on the ground and keep moving

Sab jod k ab chodd de, Iss waqt ka pahiya tod de

Dil dil ka chakkar chod de, Iss mod se ab muh mod le

Kuch dil k tukde baant de, Iss gum ka rasta chodd de

Gumm jaa hadd k galiyaaro se, Ab sharm ka ghunghat oddh le

 

Par maan le kaise baat ye, Iss dil ka dard prakop hai

Lad lein iss duniya se bhi ab, Iss zid ka koi naa tod hai

Ladna mushkil sa hai par ab, Uss nadaani si soch se

Uski baato ki nok se, Usske dil ki uss chot se

 

Anjaan bane baithe hain bass, Ikk Β darr se naata jod k

Hain choron ki hum basti mein, aur dil bhi humse chor hai

Lutt kar baithe hain kabse hum, ikk parde ka afsos hai

 

Inn bikhri tooti yaadon ka, kuch mol nhi unn nazro mein

Inn lamho aur tasweero ko anmol banaye baithe hain

Dil se ladne ka zor nhi, Kya haal banaye baithe hain

Random thoughts of a kukoo heart

I had a horrible dream.. it was very sweet and enjoyable actually.. but it left me disturbed when I woke up, at the thought of my inner screwed up sense of love and relationship even if I’m outwardly very enlightened and intelligent about dealing with these matters now.. Anyway, I calmed myself by writing couplets and these are the choice couple out of half a dozen.. halfway decent I’d say πŸ˜›

Chahat ke bazaar mein roz ek nayi chahat se dil behlaate hain..

Mohobbat ke deewano ka yaha koi kaam nahi

Perhaps not self explanatory, cuz I had to actually explain it to the couple of people who read it.. here chah carries its literal meaning ‘want’. So what it’s trying to say is that the heart is a jitterbug.. chanchal you know.. it gets attracted to something new everyday.. it gets obsessed with something new everyday.. and it’s very selfish.. the heart wants what the heart wants.. and these wants change everyday as old attractions fade and new ones develop..

Mohobbat here refers to love, which is eternal, not limited to lovers, flowing in all directions, maybe more concentrated towards some people, but it’s not selfish.. it’s a positive feeling.. how can it be negative when there are no expectations.. there are expectations in relationships.. not in love.. it’s boundless..

Anyway.. here’s another one.. self explanatory

Shamaa ke bazaar mein parwaano ka sauda kar aye..

Iss khel ko yaaro hum uski chaukhat par khatm kar aye..

Boht laanat di dil k saudagro ne..

Hum dil k tukdo ka ikk aur taufa kubool kar aye

Ramblings about relationships

I used to mock this one friend, whose girl(friend) was kind of moody, got angry frequently, yelled a lot. And although admittedly she’s a fun person when she isn’t being all that, I always advised him.. dude is she worth it for you? Is the drama worth the good times?

These days, I feel I was being a complete idiot πŸ˜›

I mean relationships form themselves, you don’t really work actively to develop a relationship with somebody. Even if you do, if there isn’t some genuine feeling behind the action, you both know it. ‘Salesman’ class of people can fool you for some time, but some cracks start to emerge.. eventually. If a relationship is developing, even by conscious effort, beyond a certain point, it’s out of your control.. it’ll keep it’s own pace.. it’ll grow or not grow naturally.. you can’t force it beyond.

And when Β a relationship has formed, this is it. It’s a part of you now. There’s no fear or at least there shouldn’t be. You don’t fear your best friend’s gonna choose another friend and then he’s not gonna be a part of your life. Even if that happens, you don’t fear it, or at least you shouldn’t, because it’s out of your hands now, the relationship will charter it’s own course. It’s alive, actively affected by other’s thoughts and actions.

And why I feel like a fool for saying what I said? Because relationships aren’t business transactions, they’re not logical.. they’re random. You can choose to rip it out of your life,sure, but it’s gonna leave scars.. it’s gonna take a part of you with itself. You’ll feel the suffering of the relationship as it rots. And the relationship truly isn’t worth it when it’s being yanked on and pulled because of your actions, or the other person’s actions or the society’s actions. And you’re willing to suffer the pain of cutting a part of yourself because the pain of that thread slowly pulling apart is just too much to bear.

Maybe my opinion will change. Maybe I’ll realize that you can manage relationships logically without feeling you’re putting on an act. Maybe it’ll not feel so fake. Maybe.. it does come naturally to some people.. maybe sociopaths are the ones who really have it all figured out.

Anand

Kayi duniya ke maare mein

Kuch shayad kismet se bechaare hain

Sabko bhar bhar milta hai

Ismein koi jaat paat ka sawaal nahi

Kuch mann kho kar mol chukate hain

Kuch muft mein hi batorte jaate hain

Kuch khelon ki tadbeer sahi,

Kuch apni hi taqdeer sahi..

Tohfe mein sabko milte hain,

Duniya ki ikk reet sahi..

Kuch mantar phoonk chalate hain

Kuch zehr ka zor apnaate hain

Kuch doob jaate hain terne ki firaak mein

Kuch paniyo mein ghul jaate hain

Kuch ikk nayi si baat bhi bataate hain

Jaante hain k ise lauta nahi sakte kahin

Mita nahi sakte naa bhasm hote hain ye,

Haar gaye kayi gehraaiyaan dhoondte dhoondte,

jahan inhe abhi bhi poori tarah dabaa nahi sakte

Samet te hain pal.. bade shaunk se ye

Inn gehre kaale paniyo mein motiyo ki talaash karte hain..

Kuch hassne hasaane ki baat kiya karte hain shayad

Kehte hain, dukh apne liye rakh, Anand sabke liye

The trip to South – Prologue

Drop years are stressful. We had almost zero soical life, we didn’t go to classes much, and we didn’t go out much. All we did was study, talk, eat and sleep(a lot) right there in our own lonely hostel room. Of course it started to get frustrating after a while and we started to fantasize about the places we were gonna go and things we were gonna do after the exams got over. And one day, I said how I’ve always wanted to see the southernmost point of India. That’s how the discussion of going south began.

We planned everything in one night. The cities we were gonna visit, trains we were gonna take, etc. etc. It was an elaborate and wonderful plan made by the three of us – me, my room mate (let’s call him CR) and another friend of ours (let’s call him ST). But when we calculated the money we would need for that trip, we decided to strip it down to just a couple of stations πŸ˜› .

So, after AIEEE we were gonna take the Rajdhani to Bangaluru, visit Mysore, appear for ComedK, and then go to KanyaKumari via Trivandrum. Days no bar… we were gonna freestyle it.. take lifts, travel in local buses, everything you see in travel shows, basically πŸ˜› .

Obviously that didn’t work out πŸ˜› . Our parents needed a concrete plan. Everything was finalized. We’d already booked the Rajdhani to Bangalore, but hadn’t booked the return ticket yet. But after JEE, ST said he couldn’t go anymore and CR said he couldn’t go for so long. So all we had left was Bangalore and Mysore, and that too cuz we had to appear for ComedK.. tough luck. Anyway, Bangalore and Mysore were fine. I booked the return tickets for 9th and we got them in the waiting list.

Meanwhile we also filled the ComedK form.. just as the last date was arriving and there was a problem. The admit card was gonna arrive at my home in Punjab by 1st or 2nd while I was gonna be in the train by 3rd. So, a cousin of a cousin (we’ll call him M) who lives in Bangalore was contacted and it was gonna be mailed to him. And it was also decided that we were gonna stay at his place. Shit. Trip ruined.! or so I thought at that time.

Anyway, Aieee came and went with it’s share of drama, we cleared out the hostel and finally left for Bangalore on 3rd. I wouldn’t say the journey was uneventful. We spent most of it standing at the gate with earphones in our ears, but we still managed to get involved into a fight with the family in our cabin(hey, it was their fault), and made friends with a hell lot of people. The train was filled with people who were going just to take the ComedK.

We were welcomed to Bangalore on 5th by Auto-wallas shouting out 400 and 350 rs. for a journey to M’s place, which cost 180 rs. by prepaid auto. I had a feeling this was gonna be a fun trip.