Flash of lightning

Sometimes when you’re trying so hard to create something, nothing materializes. But sometimes, you’re just driving a car, doing some chores and out of nowhere, inspiration strikes you like a flash of lightning, and words start pouring out like blood from a fresh wound..

Dil Ke Hazaaro tukde hain.. har tukde ke kuch kisse hain

Kuch naadani mein bhul gaye, kuch baimaani mein chod diye

Kuch tut gaye, kuch rondh diye, kuch humse thakk kar chooth gaye

Kuch humne bhi thukra diye.. kuch aate aate rooth gaye

jo hum tak wapas pohonch gaye, wo chuppi si mein doob gaye

Kuch meethe pal, kuch yaadein thi.. kuch addhoori mulakatein thi

Main Simat nahi sakta jo, kuch bikhri si wo baatein thi

Kuch narm hain, kuch sakht hain, kuch bebaak, kuch shiqast hain

Kuch kisse jinke shayad ab, dilon mein koi mol nahi

Ye tukde jinke shayad ab, zakhmon ka koi hisaab nahi

Kuch himmat karke aaj bhi, sochte hain badal denge inki taqdeer

kabhi jotde hain, kabhi todte hain, kabhi hasste haste rote hain

Some more random lines

Just pour out of me sometimes.. they do..

Sirf kyonki hum aastik nahi, iska matlab ye to nahi ki humari baat acchi nahi
Sirf kyonki hum shayar nahi, iska matlab ye to nahi ke hamaare jazbaat sacche nahi

 

 

Tere maikhane se naaraaz hokar humne bhi chalne ki thaan li,

botal rakhkar, joote pehenkar, bahar chalte hi jaise jalti ek saans nikli.

Ye kaisa nasha hai, jo uttarte uttarte bhi asar dikha raha hai,

Hum jitna door jaana chahte hain, utna ye tumhe kareeb la raha hai.

Iss dil mein ye kaisi kasak si uthh rahi hai, yun ikk dar sa zehen mein sama raha hai,

Ke yahan se ab jaayein bhi to kahan jaayein, hamara jahaan to bas isi mein simta hua ha, yeh botal hai… yaaron ka saath hai… aur tumhari mohobbat..

Par yeh mohobbat bhi kya mohobbat hai,

Tum jitne sitam kiye jaa rahe ho, hum utna mazaa paa rahe hain.

Tum jitna dhutkaar rahe ho, hum utna puchkaar rahe hain.

Tum Jitne door jaa rahe ho, hum utne kareeb aa rahe hain.

#Delhi

I spent a year in Delhi and it has changed me beyond my imagination.. that city has seeped into my personality. I’d fallen in love with it.

I just wanted to mention some special things and places I don’t think I’ll ever forget:

  •  DU North Campus.. this place actually made me wish I’d taken commerce 😛
  • PVR Priya… cheapest movie tickets 😛  situated in vasant kunj.. awesome place… just used to sit around in the market for hours when wasn’t feeling good..
  • Karol Bagh.. I’ve already made uncountable no. of trips to that place. Just visited relatives guys.. aur kuch nai 😛
  • Hauz Khas… lived here for an entire year
  • Malviya Nagar.. ate here for an entire year
  • Delhi Heights.. your chicken rocks guys!
  • The DLF Mall… the crowd was just 😉 so was the food court.. we actually watched the whole world cup in the food court of this mall.
  • Rajiv Chowk … Ahh.. CP.. it’s the most beautiful place in the whole world… We used to sit there till 11 in the night till the time of the last metro.. even after that sometimes.. then went back to the hostel by auto 😛
  • Paharganj.. I’ve learned how to bargain.. finally
  • Rajouri Garden.. awesome place to get Rajma Chawal, and catch a late night movie show 😛
  • The metro.. Oh my god the metro… I literally spent half my time riding the metro.. and it was never boring, cuz many times you’d strike a conversation with a random person or listen to other people talk 😛 But seriously, if you wanna know the people of Delhi, keep your eyes and ears open in the metro
  • The late night walks (and hurting legs afterwards)
  • The vodka sessions
  • The maggi sessions
  • The late night talks
  • The days we spent doing nothing but eating, sleeping and studying
  • The birthday where we smuggled a girl into a boys’ hostel 😛
  • The time when we did that more than once..
  • Our hostel gate keeper… dada you were a life saver
  • Entering after hours through the back door..
  • Leaving after hours through the back door.. 😛
  • Actually making a copy of the key to the hostel lock
  • The valentine’s day phone call
  • The endless wondering and day dreaming
  • The plans we made for the coming years
  • The fights
  • The serious planning and scheming for some things that seem stupid now
  • The spontaneous trip planned to the South
  • How we actually went on that trip 😛
  • The stupid novels we planned we’d write [still hope we do]
  • The stupid love story they made up… it still haunts me
  • The childish, egoistic, but innocent girl 😛
  • The bonds I made.. friends and enemies
  • The rediscovery of myself as a person
  • The people.. whatever you say, delhi is a land of opportunity.. most people are not from delhi, but have migrated, and this city has given them a chance to succeed.. no matter how many people think that delhi is filled with the same type of people..  everyone has their own story and I was interested in listening to all of them 😉
  • The one guy because of whom all this happened.. my best friend

The trip to South – Prologue

Drop years are stressful. We had almost zero soical life, we didn’t go to classes much, and we didn’t go out much. All we did was study, talk, eat and sleep(a lot) right there in our own lonely hostel room. Of course it started to get frustrating after a while and we started to fantasize about the places we were gonna go and things we were gonna do after the exams got over. And one day, I said how I’ve always wanted to see the southernmost point of India. That’s how the discussion of going south began.

We planned everything in one night. The cities we were gonna visit, trains we were gonna take, etc. etc. It was an elaborate and wonderful plan made by the three of us – me, my room mate (let’s call him CR) and another friend of ours (let’s call him ST). But when we calculated the money we would need for that trip, we decided to strip it down to just a couple of stations 😛 .

So, after AIEEE we were gonna take the Rajdhani to Bangaluru, visit Mysore, appear for ComedK, and then go to KanyaKumari via Trivandrum. Days no bar… we were gonna freestyle it.. take lifts, travel in local buses, everything you see in travel shows, basically 😛 .

Obviously that didn’t work out 😛 . Our parents needed a concrete plan. Everything was finalized. We’d already booked the Rajdhani to Bangalore, but hadn’t booked the return ticket yet. But after JEE, ST said he couldn’t go anymore and CR said he couldn’t go for so long. So all we had left was Bangalore and Mysore, and that too cuz we had to appear for ComedK.. tough luck. Anyway, Bangalore and Mysore were fine. I booked the return tickets for 9th and we got them in the waiting list.

Meanwhile we also filled the ComedK form.. just as the last date was arriving and there was a problem. The admit card was gonna arrive at my home in Punjab by 1st or 2nd while I was gonna be in the train by 3rd. So, a cousin of a cousin (we’ll call him M) who lives in Bangalore was contacted and it was gonna be mailed to him. And it was also decided that we were gonna stay at his place. Shit. Trip ruined.! or so I thought at that time.

Anyway, Aieee came and went with it’s share of drama, we cleared out the hostel and finally left for Bangalore on 3rd. I wouldn’t say the journey was uneventful. We spent most of it standing at the gate with earphones in our ears, but we still managed to get involved into a fight with the family in our cabin(hey, it was their fault), and made friends with a hell lot of people. The train was filled with people who were going just to take the ComedK.

We were welcomed to Bangalore on 5th by Auto-wallas shouting out 400 and 350 rs. for a journey to M’s place, which cost 180 rs. by prepaid auto. I had a feeling this was gonna be a fun trip.

Another small point about love..

So.. I was listening to a particular song and this just hit me.. it’s just a small post:

So, if according to my definition, love is unconditional care, then I think I’ve figured out the meaning of this.

“Ishq di mere mitra pehchan ki, mit jaave jado zidd apnaan di”

Well you know, if loving someone is unconditional care.. then being with them or not is just not important you see.. it just matters that they’re with someone who can take of them according to you. I mean if you think you can take the best care of them, then sure.. you wanna be with them.. but If you think someone else can take better care of them.. then you’d want them to be with this person.. it all depends on self confidence, doesn’t it?

Well.. that solves the mystery to Kal Ho Na Ho, Namastey London and all those other love stories where the hero is ready to sacrifice his lady love..

P.S. I know this post isn’t anything important, but it just hit me and I guess I just wanted to share..

P.P.S. Here’s the song I was listening to:

P.P.P.S. That song there is dedicated to a special[definitely] friend[maybe] of mine who has been so so understanding..I just wanna say..

You are the most polite person I’ve ever met.. and I just couldn’t believe how you were taking all my ranting and were still pacifying me and just trying to make me understand, I mean you didn’t get irritated for even one second… and just your overall attitude.. I think I have suffered a big loss losing you as a friend.. anyway.. have a  happy life and keep rocking that attitude!

Love… and all that jazz

Love.. one of the big questions in life.. what is it?

It’s been floating around in my mind for some time and I thought it was time I got it out, just to de-fog my mind.

I guess by now, we’ve all made perceptions about it. For example, for my room-mate, it is something divine, beyond normal words like “care”, “like” and it’s a big motivator in life.

I think most of my friends don’t even think about it.. it just is.. but I’ve got this curse or blessing that my mind loves overworking and I can’t control it.

So, let me put it all in my words. I first started to think about love when I had my first crush. My first definition was “Nature’s trick to get us to mate” and my explanation for that feeling was that I was crazy and filmy.

And maybe my filminess was very adamant, cuz it happened again. Needless to say, it was a crush, and I figured that I was just attracted to her.. Love still had the same definition for me.

But with time I’ve grown up, and I like to think that I’ve matured too [:)]

And now, I think that love is nothing other than unconditional care. I mean there are various points supporting my theory. Parents care for us no matter what we become. Anyone else doesn’t… they love and expect, so maybe not unconditional love.. but in that league. And it happens when we get used to people.. I mean we get attached to them, their nuances, their vices and their good habits. Everything else is just our need for social attachment or attraction, based on the kind of love. So, I could fall in love with any girl as long as I stay with her for a long time/some time. I figured that’s how arranged marriages work.

So.. a good definition right?

I thought so too.. until I got intrigued by another girl. I can’t say it was attraction cuz I’ve never thought about any of the girls mentioned above like that. I was always just intrigued.. wanting to know more about them. I could say that I was trying to fill mental holes.. but I wasn’t looking for anything like that.. at least not this year… it just happened.

I’m not saying this is love. I’m just trying to figure life out. Cuz that’s what humans try to do, isn’t it? Finding patterns, setting theories and testing them to confirm. We like to believe that there are some ground rules and we can learn them and live life easily.. but I guess life surprises you like this…

Tell me if you’ve got something to contribute

Rant alert : The year I witnessed two cremations

This has not been a good year so far.. In fact I might go so far as to say that this has been the worst year of my life.. I’ve witnessed two deaths in my own home, didn’t get selected for any good college and had to take some pretty major and devastatingly painful decisions.

I guess this is a warning of sorts.. this is not going to be a happy post.

The first death I witnessed was my maternal grandmother’s. I’ll be lying if I say I had any sort of attachment or bond with her. But, anyway, I cared about her in a humanitarian sort of way. I must seem horrible but we didn’t have much interaction despite living in the same house. I dreaded having to witness her death. When she got sick, I was just praying that I don’t wanna be there to see her die. Of course I was very afraid, having never seen death before. But life is funny I guess.. cuz I was right there in the hospital, two steps away from her room, when she took her last breath, and I had to take care of my mom till dad got there. What happened after that changed me in ways I could never have imagined.

Since  my mother has no brothers or sisters, and I have no brother, I had to perform all the rituals. I can’t explain the scene that I saw, but I never imagined that the human body is so fragile until that very moment. The fire, which was uncomfortable to us, standing five feet away.. and a person was lying right in the middle of it.. The shabad “ikk ghadi vi kise nahi tainu rakhna, jadon tere swaas muk gaye” kept ringing in my ears. The person, my family was so desperately trying to save was burned mere hours after her demise..

Obviously, I slept very uneasily that night.. I suffered from nightmares and cold shivers, but finally the morning came..  But the morning held worst surprises.. turned out now I had to collect her bones from the pyre. I swear to god ki jitni tab fati naa.. aaj tak kabhi nahi fati hogi..

Anyway, the raakh was floated in a nearby river and the poojas were done and it was all over. I was normal in a couple of days.. more important decisions awaited.. my EEE result had come out and I got sidetracked…

Then, September came. The day we were all dreading had finally come.. my aunt (my father’s sister in law), whom we had lived with all our lives.. she was at the verge of death. Of course, it was inevitable.. and with 3 long years of fight with cancer behind her, I couldn’t help but feel in a tiny corner of my mind that it was her release, that she needed it. I came back home, saw her for the last time and the next morning she expired, after having been off the ventilator for a mere half an hour.

I witnessed scenes I had never imagined in my wildest dreams. My mom, my sister, my sister in law.. they weren’t crying… they were wailing, shouting..

I didn’t know what to do.. I was shocked, confused, sleep deprived. A few hours later, her cremation took place. I can never forget that scene. A body catching on fire.. 100s of doctors.. 100s of babaas.. millions of prayers and an end like this?

I stood in front of that pyre for a long time.. thinking hard..  and I couldn’t understand what we were doing.. and then it hit me.. it was all a show. it was all a show and we were all actors.. acting out for society, for each other and for ourselves. It was all closure.. mann ki tassalli. What does it matter to a dead person whether we applied the sindoor right or not.. whether the fruits were at the right place or not.. it was all for our own benefit.. to drive it in our minds.. that yes, she really is gone.. accept it and let her go.. I realized for the first time the things I really care about in life.. the people.. the work.. what I want.. what I need.. It all came as a wave of enlightenment and I absorbed it like a dry sponge. You may call me selfish.. but well that’s what you think!

We all came home.. I went to take a bath and came back to see everyone busy in talking and reminiscing..  but I don’t know why.. I was feeling very bad.. afraid I guess.. I didn’t wanna talk about it.. about her.. or anything related to her..

Tried to contact a friend.. another friend.. but I guess everyone’s busy in their own lives.. Mind you, I’m not blaming them.. just jo baat dimaag mein thi wo bol raha hun..

Anyway.. I guess I just wanted to get all this out.. cleanse my mind or something.. I don’t know.. So here I am.. writing.. cuz what else can I do?

I hope the times get better.. for my family.. and for me.. hell.. I’ve hardly got anything going for me.. but that’s another post… bye for now..

#27 – Your favourite teachers

Respected Teachers,

1. Sir, you were the best teacher I ever had.. without a doubt. I’ve always hated studying geography except for the year you taught it to us. In fact I still kind of like some aspects of it just because you taught it to us.. I’ve not forgotten my 8th class geography lessons even now.. You were the epitome of coolness to us..

2. What can I say mam.. you knew how to command respect without having to raise your voice. I still remember I had a bad dream about you during my holidays when I got to know that you were gonna be our class teacher in 8th. I guess there’s nothing else to write really.

3. We took too much liberty with you. I remember how we used to force you into teaching us biology and chemistry when you were our environmental studies teacher. You were like a friend and a guide to us.. thank you for being there.

4. Sir. I know we hated each other’s guts. You, because I didn’t take my duties as head boy seriously.. and me.. well you just have that fukra air around you. But your speaking skills are beyond good. I still call you the Antony of our school..and even though we didn’t like each other, I still learnt many lessons from and because of you, which have helped me in adapting to this world. So, I guess this is kind of a thank you.

5. This is to my maths tution teacher. You told me about ntse, iit, kota.. everything. I still cherish your opinion. You always believed that I can do something great.. and how can I forget all those endless discussions we had.. i guess you played a part in introducing me to the real world.. so thank you for being there.

P.S. This is an apology to all those teachers I might have forgot to mention but still had an effect on my life.. thanx for everything…

P.P.S. This is the part of a 30 day letter tag.. For more information, go here.

#19 – Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear Someone that pesters my mind,

I am really glad that you pester my mind. I don’t know whether it’s good or bad as of now.. but I hope I get out of this a better person.

Yes, you are Oneitis no. 3.. what can I say? I can’t avoid these things.. it’s a part of who I am.. It’s a side effect of growing up in a girl-less social environment. I get hung up on people[especially girls :P]. But I guess it’s good in a way, cuz this way I have an inspiration.. something I can hope to achieve which makes me get off my lazy ass and do some work.. all in the hope that one day, I’ll be good enough for someone like you. Even though I know that as amazing as you are, you won’t be single or waiting.. but I guess it’s a satisfaction of being good enough.

Yeah, I’m needy.. and that maybe bad.. but I got no way to get over it right now.

I know I’m gonna be laughing about this a year, two or maybe even six months from now.. and you won’t ever get to know how I came to feel about you. But in a way, it’s still worth it.. cuz it’s a part of my growth as a person. I can still remember what a bumbling fool I was in 10th.. and not being able to talk to oneitis 2 killed me inside.. which made me stronger.. and muster up courage to at least talk to girls [can’t say i’m good at it though :P].

Anyway, have a good life.. hope we can be friends.

P.S. I just gotta share this with you.. I’ve been listening to this song non stop and I can’t get it out of my head.. it’s seriously awesome!

Yours hopefully…

P.P.S. This is the part of a 30 day letter tag.. For more information, go here.

#15 – The person you miss the most

Dear person I miss the most,

From being best friends to not having talked for 5 years… I don’t know how we reached there.

It’s all my fault in a sense. I changed schools.. maybe I shouldn’t have, who knows? and it was for a stupid reason too.. but well.. what can I say, I was just a 10 year old kid.

And we started to lose contact.. whatever the reason. I just wanna remember all the things we did. We walked into each other’s homes like they were our own. We didn’t know what the meaning of mine or yours was, everything was ours. You were always there for me and I always tried to do the same for you. Jealousy, anger, fights never came between us… we were a team.

And now, when I bumped into you, I realized we weren’t friends anymore. We’ve changed.. and we notice the difference because we didn’t change together. I know we’ll never be that close again.

Anyway, as they say, we’ll always have Paris[explanation].  This is just a dedication to our friendship and the fun we had..

P.S. A high five and special mention to all my group mates from GAD Public School. We were the coolest.. you know it! I miss y’all.

This one’s for all you guys:

Your friend…

P.P.S. This is the part of a 30 day letter tag.. For more information, go here.