Relationships can’t really be defined. Sure, we put labels on them, like friends, family, partner, lover, but there is no line that defines each of them separately. I mean is the difference between friends and lovers only sex? but don’t people have sex with strangers? Let’s just say they have different meanings for different people at different points of time. I always defined them as any form emotional connect between two people.
Maybe because of this simplistic interpretation, I’ve always been aloof about relationships. My rationale is pretty full proof too :P. I mean, we have not seen or experienced life without our parents, there is no version of reality where we existed without them. Still when we lose them, life doesn’t stop. We still go on, we learn to live without them. So we must be able to live without anybody. Sure, it might take us time to get over them, but no matter how important they were to us, no matter how dependent we were on them, life doesn’t stop and we learn to cope.
But what about those relationships that we lose along the way. The friends we haven’t called for years who were our other halves, the lovers we thought we couldn’t live without, the acquaintances we lost touch with. What makes these relationships different? Why is it that some relationships leave gashes of despair when they are broken, and some end without so much as a whimper. It’s not like they weren’t deep connections, it’s not like you weren’t dependent on those people, it’s not like you hadn’t shared secrets with them, or hadn’t spent countless hours contemplating the stupidest bullshit, and yet you don’t even feel their absence, you don’t feel that connection slipping from your heart.
So where does the difference lie? I don’t have the slightest idea.
I know it happens, I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. And I do have a theory. I think it’s because of the fact that human beings are selfish assholes. I think the reason we don’t feel the loss of some relationships, is we don’t perceive the importance of the relationship based on the person, but on the role that relationship plays in our life right now.We need certain people to play certain roles in our life at different times, and we value them for that. But, as soon as that role is no longer important, the person loses importance as well.
Maybe that’s how relationships deteriorate. People change, and their needs change, and maybe you are just not needed anymore. Your emotional needs are more like baggage, and there is always a breaking point for how much someone’s willing to carry. Maybe that’s why some relationships sustain, when people change together, you know, “You have gaps, I have gaps, together, we fill gaps”. I think that’s why it’s a little easier later in your life, to cope with your parent’s death as well. You don’t have that strong a need for that role of a guardian and guide anymore.
Sometimes when you’re trying so hard to create something, nothing materializes. But sometimes, you’re just driving a car, doing some chores and out of nowhere, inspiration strikes you like a flash of lightning, and words start pouring out like blood from a fresh wound..
Dil Ke Hazaaro tukde hain.. har tukde ke kuch kisse hain
Kuch naadani mein bhul gaye, kuch baimaani mein chod diye
Kuch tut gaye, kuch rondh diye, kuch humse thakk kar chooth gaye
Kuch humne bhi thukra diye.. kuch aate aate rooth gaye
jo hum tak wapas pohonch gaye, wo chuppi si mein doob gaye
Kuch meethe pal, kuch yaadein thi.. kuch addhoori mulakatein thi
Main Simat nahi sakta jo, kuch bikhri si wo baatein thi
Kuch narm hain, kuch sakht hain, kuch bebaak, kuch shiqast hain
Kuch kisse jinke shayad ab, dilon mein koi mol nahi
Ye tukde jinke shayad ab, zakhmon ka koi hisaab nahi
Kuch himmat karke aaj bhi, sochte hain badal denge inki taqdeer
Rock music defines a whole generation and stands for unconventional music, lyrics.. people who were truly outside of society as we know it, trying to challenge conventional wisdom and sticking it to the man.
People say you should be careful what you wish for, because wishes often come true.
I think, Imtiaz Ali’s Rockstar, is all about this statement. It’s about how a wannabe is transformed into a true rocktar through the power of love.
The movie starts with a live concert footage of one of the biggest musicians of the world, Jordan.He is a rockstar. He enters the stage with a scratched cheek from a fight he just ran out of. He doesn’t care about the traffic lights, or if someone recognizes him on the bus.. He doesn’t care about the security guards.. He doesn’t care about anything.. except perhaps the music. He’s ready to sing. He’s angry and ready to set fire to the world.
And just then, we see the beginning of Jordan, who was once Janardhan Jakhad or JJ, as his chaploos friends called him. A simple minded Jat boy studying in Hindu college. As the owner of the canteen he frequently visits, Khatana Bhai says, he’s a very halka person. He’s the type of guy who doesn’t think much about the big questions of life. He just lives. He just knows he loves music and he wants to be a rockstar any way he can. “To phir main kya karun… kya karun ki….”
He sings,
“Jo Bhi Main Kehna Chahun, Barbaad Karein Alfaaz Mere.”
He might already be an artist, a poet, whose words are misunderstood, but he doesn’t really have to say much yet. He sings about how he wants to sing about other’s stories. He has had an average life of a middle class boy, like most of us. He’s a part of the social order, the social system. Like he says, kabhi kabhi crazy kaam kar leta hai, but that’s just momentary rebellion. He’s a part of the social structure he fails to grasp completely. No extraordinary experiences, no pain, no stories to tell. As Khatana Bhai says, he doesn’t have a broken heart.. so where will the music come from?
He takes these words very seriously and decides to have his heart broken. And that turns his whole life around.
He pursues Heer Kaul, the heart breaking machine of Delhi University, but can’t say anything beyond I love you to her. He is just desperate to have his heart broken.. when he doesn’t really even know what it means exactly.
Have you ever had a crush on a film star? or a famous musician? or the most pretty girl/most famous guy in class? Even if you met them, you wouldn’t be able to treat them as a normal person. Your mind would go blank and you’d stare with awe at how normal these people are in real lives.
The thing is that these people are so beyond our scope or understanding that we don’t even consider them normal people, which is why JJ is surprised when Heer shows the normal aspirations of a regular girl about to be married. But he still helps her be the Jangali Jawani for a few days before her Lady neat and clean days. She really is Miss Neat and Clean and in these scenes of Jangali Jawani “trip” is where Nargis really shines.
JJ and Heer start to fall in love and while JJ is too naive to understand this feeling or Heer is just so unattainable in her eyes that even when she asks him to hug her, he doesn’t think there is any way she could actually like him in that way. He sincerely believes that there could be no subtext to this hug, or maybe is just too ignorant. This surity is what actually made him chase her in the first place, because he was absolutely sure she would reject him.
Heer realizes it. She surely does as evident from the scene right before her wedding. And she tells him as boldly as she could, but he doesn’t understand or maybe he doesn’t believe that this could really be happening. And even if he does recognize the feeling at some level, he doesn’t deem himself worthy of this feeling.
“Ye theek hai, ya fir abhi bhaag chalein”
Rest assured, he does return with some things he needs to think about. A void is created in his life, in his heart, and the need to fill this void will form the rest of his journey. Music no longer holds that much importance as he tries to fill the void first by Video Games and then Spirituality.
He tries to be a part of the system again, follow his families wishes, because that’s what we all do, right? We are hammered with the idea right from childhood that if we confirm to the system, everything will be alright. His life will be alright again. He’ll be happy.
But, circumstances get the better of JJ. Getting kicked out his home can be called JJ’s worst and most formative experience. This is the point, when he faces the first true tragedy in his life, and it makes him grow as a person. He finds solace in a mosque and now stands face to face with those big questions of life, he’d never thought about. This is the time when he loses the “halka” tag, according to me, at least. He tries to fill that void with spirituality and the search for oneself. He strives for freedom, not just from the world, but also from himself, his own thoughts, his emptiness. And he finds his outlet in music. This is how he believes he can achieve self actualization. He just wants to sing and that’s it. That desire to be a star is not there anymore . atleast subconsciously. He’s just going with the flow.
He doesn’t wanna confirm to the system, as evident from the whole “Sheher Mein” recording sequence. In the words of Shammi Kapoor,
“Yeh Bada Jaanwar Hai, Yeh Aapke Chote Pinjare Mein Nahi Samayega… Ye Apni Duniya Banayega…”
And he has grown apart from the system now. He doesn’t understand classical music and has no problem saying it. He genuinely thinks it’s all very funny, and he can’t help laughing at it all.
But, when an opportunity arises to go to Prague, he’s ready to sell his soul to the system, to see Heer again. He probably doesn’t know why the desire is so strong, he just knows he has to do this.
Meanwhile everything isn’t well with Heer either. She isn’t fine, she doesn’t know why, her doctors don’t know why, and she’s sorry that people are uncomfortable with it, cause that’s just how she is. This one line is a huge window into the kind of character Heer is and the decisions she takes.
This time, Jordan whisks Heer away and reminds her about the freedom she secretly craves. Freedom from society’s definition of right and wrong, freedom from society’s judgement.. freedom from the system.
Jordan doesn’t care about the divide between him and Heer now, he probably doesn’t even remember it. He just knows he wants to be with her, to hug her, kiss her, love her. His love for her has fully developed into a passion now. A reference to the magic touch is made here, and Jordan really starts to believe that Heer has the magic touch and maybe he possesses it for her too. He probably doesn’t realize the full extent of his feelings for Heer yet. But, he feels complete when he’s with her… at peace… happy.
It is interesting to note, how Heer was the one to initiate everything in Delhi and Kashmir, but now it’s Jordan. And the reason is that Delhi and Kashmir were her wild trip before she became what she was being prepared to be her whole life. A good wife to a wealthy modern person. But Jordan is now separated from the system as we know it, he only cares about his desires and his needs. He truly does what his heart desires and Heer comes along for the ride, because she also craves this.. him.. his magic touch.
But Heer realizes what this is. And she realizes that she has to return to her home, the social setting. That this can’t go on forever. It would never work between her and Jordan. It’s just a joyride.. too impractical. Because that’s what she believes. Because that’s what we’re taught to believe. So she fights with him on purpose, and I don’t think there has been a more honest fight on the Hindi Cinema screen, where characters truly say some things said unsaid or obvious in most other fights depicted onscreen. This is the first time his fame seems like an obstacle to him in the movie.
He says, end it on a good note if you have to. And he’s ready to go to any lengths to make happen what he wants. And so he breaks into her home. This action permanently places him on the opposite side of the system. Now he’s not just rejecting it, he’s struggling against it, rebelling, fighting against it.
He’s had his heart broken, but the transformation isn’t complete yet. He still knows somewhere in his heart that she’ll come to him, that she didn’t really wanna fight with him, that she’s trapped.. or maybe he just hopes.. but the hope prevails.. and that’s why he’s still looking for those birds.
This is what Sadda Haq is all about. His appeal to media, to police, to people, to the system, to just let him be, just let him do what he wants, just let him fill that void which is back.
And the system can think of nothing better to do than exploit him for it. The record company just wants to sell records. The media just wants to sensationalize. The fans just want a piece of him, without really realizing what he’s singing about. They just shout when he screams in agony. His words destroy what he wants to say. There is a brilliant scene where Jordan is explaining to Khatana Bhai that he can’t control what he does, and it’s cut with shots of mobile phone cameras shooting him, showing how meaningless these words actually are to his fans.
He can’t explain what is happening to him. He’s getting all he ever wanted but happiness eludes him. He becomes more and more reckless. He expresses his angst, his anger at the system, his need to feel complete through music, cause what else is there?
This search for peace leads him to singing “Dum Maaro Dum” among prostitutes, this search is what leads him to the gate of his house again and again and this search makes him reach out to his old college friends, who also want a bite of Jordan. He’s so disgusted that he actually walks out after just having photos clicked with them.
Meanwhile his contract with Platinum Records expires and he lets all his frustration out in one brilliant scene where he tears up the next contract they had prepared for him. He doesn’t care about this stuff anymore.
I think the first time he truly, consciously is sure that Heer is the reason behind his problem is when someone else degrades him for it.
One day, he finds out that Heer has actually been very sick for the last two years and is on the verge of dying. Heer doesn’t actually resist her need for Jordan now, because she has been liberated, she’s also free of confirming to this world now. And Jordan believes that Heer suffered from the same problem he did and now that they’re together again, everything will be alright.
“Main Tere Saath Set Hoon Yaar… Itni Si Baat Hai”
He believes in the magic touch.
But don’t be fooled. This isn’t one of those bollywood movies where she’ll be miraculously cured. The doctor advises her mother to be logical, that even though she might look better on the outside, her condition is bad on the inside, and getting worse.
Jordan and Heer are finally together now. In their own world. Without the rights and wrongs of the world. Without his stardom, media.. without her hospitals, illness, marriage. They’re truly happy.
But Jordan’s magic touch actually seems to be the folly of Heer. As her condition seems to worsen, she tries to absorb all of Jordan inside her that she can. And while she is undergoing transfusion, the police come to arrest Jordan, and he finally realizes.. he finally admits,
“Mujhe Ye Sab Kuch Nahi Chahiye.. Mujhe Nahi Banna Bada… Mera Dil Nahi Tootna Chahiye Khatana Bhai… Mera Dil Nahi Tootna Chahiye.. Please Kuch Karo.. Mere Paas Aur Kuch Nahi Hai”
But, his magic touch fails him. And he crashes.
His heart is broken. There’s no hope this time. He’s forever destined to burn in this fire of emptiness inside him. He’s angry. At himself. At the media. At the people. At the world.
And he just looses it. He finally goes all out against the system which destroyed him and hits back.. attacks.. and lets go.. He shows them the middle finger.. Fuck you all! I don’t need you!
He spirals out of control. Drugs, alcohol, vomit. Music seems like an enemy now. It’s what lead to all this. And he watches as his guitar burns, just like him.
Acceptance comes to Jordan as he sings Naadaan Parindey. I truly wonder if he even likes singing by this point of time. He attains acceptance that he can’t have Heer now.
He has to live with this void now. All he’s left with are her memories and the moments they shared, as we witness in the end.
And he stands, with tokens of his journey on his strap, an empty shell, among a crowd of millions, forever longing for that world he and Heer created and shared. He has to live there alone now.
“Yahan se bohot door, sahi aur galat ke paar.. ek maidaan hai.. main wahan milunga tujhe.”
You might say that some characters weren’t explored much or were too one dimensional.
There was Khatan Bhai, a friend trying to protect his friend from the repercussions of rebelling against the world. The record producer, the music maestro, in the form of late Mr. Shammi Kapoor, Heer’s and JJ’s families.
But, I want to say, this is not their story. This is not about JJ’s parents or how his childhood was. This is not a biopic of a rockstar. It’s about Jordan and Heer and how Jordan becomes a rockstar. It’s like JJ said to Heer, “Mujhe to sirf tu dikh rahi hai”. They are the only focus of the story. Nothing and no one else matters.
And Nargis and Ranbir have truly done a great job. Especially Ranbir, who got so involved in the character that he suffered from depression after he completed the movie, because he felt he had given so much to the movie that he felt a void after it ended. And Nargis’ acting is not bad at all. She does shine in a few particular moments and is average in others, but the charm and energy she brings to the scenes is truly irreplaceable.
The second point I want to mention is the music. Indian movies have been using songs as a part of the narrative since the very beginning. Some film makers, like Anurag Kashyap have used music in a very innovative manner, making it a seamless part of the movie.
But, I don’t think there has ever been a movie where the music is the most important part of the narrative, where music tells us more about the state of mind of the characters and their motivations, than their words or actions. A big salute to Mr. Irshad Kamil and Mr. A.R. Rahman for making the music of this film as it has been made.
In the end, I just want to leave you with this song, which I believe is true of many and most artists
P.S. This is my personal journey with the movie, my personal interpretation.. If yours is different, I welcome you to share it.
Edit: I read someone else’s view about the end recently, and it made more sense to me than my own interpretation. They said that the end is actually how Jordan is only able to feel a sense of fulfillment of that void, of completion, of being with Heer, through singing. That’s why he sings that he hopes to meet his lover in Naadan Parindey, and he experiences that moment of completeness for a fleeting minute.. before he loses it again. That is why he keeps on writing and keeps on singing.
Sirf kyonki hum aastik nahi, iska matlab ye to nahi ki humari baat acchi nahi
Sirf kyonki hum shayar nahi, iska matlab ye to nahi ke hamaare jazbaat sacche nahi
Tere maikhane se naaraaz hokar humne bhi chalne ki thaan li,
botal rakhkar, joote pehenkar, bahar chalte hi jaise jalti ek saans nikli.
Ye kaisa nasha hai, jo uttarte uttarte bhi asar dikha raha hai,
Hum jitna door jaana chahte hain, utna ye tumhe kareeb la raha hai.
Iss dil mein ye kaisi kasak si uthh rahi hai, yun ikk dar sa zehen mein sama raha hai,
Ke yahan se ab jaayein bhi to kahan jaayein, hamara jahaan to bas isi mein simta hua ha, yeh botal hai… yaaron ka saath hai… aur tumhari mohobbat..
I spent a year in Delhi and it has changed me beyond my imagination.. that city has seeped into my personality. I’d fallen in love with it.
I just wanted to mention some special things and places I don’t think I’ll ever forget:
DU North Campus.. this place actually made me wish I’d taken commerce 😛
PVR Priya… cheapest movie tickets 😛 situated in vasant kunj.. awesome place… just used to sit around in the market for hours when wasn’t feeling good..
Karol Bagh.. I’ve already made uncountable no. of trips to that place. Just visited relatives guys.. aur kuch nai 😛
Hauz Khas… lived here for an entire year
Malviya Nagar.. ate here for an entire year
Delhi Heights.. your chicken rocks guys!
The DLF Mall… the crowd was just 😉 so was the food court.. we actually watched the whole world cup in the food court of this mall.
Rajiv Chowk … Ahh.. CP.. it’s the most beautiful place in the whole world… We used to sit there till 11 in the night till the time of the last metro.. even after that sometimes.. then went back to the hostel by auto 😛
Paharganj.. I’ve learned how to bargain.. finally
Rajouri Garden.. awesome place to get Rajma Chawal, and catch a late night movie show 😛
The metro.. Oh my god the metro… I literally spent half my time riding the metro.. and it was never boring, cuz many times you’d strike a conversation with a random person or listen to other people talk 😛 But seriously, if you wanna know the people of Delhi, keep your eyes and ears open in the metro
The late night walks (and hurting legs afterwards)
The vodka sessions
The maggi sessions
The late night talks
The days we spent doing nothing but eating, sleeping and studying
The birthday where we smuggled a girl into a boys’ hostel 😛
The time when we did that more than once..
Our hostel gate keeper… dada you were a life saver
Entering after hours through the back door..
Leaving after hours through the back door.. 😛
Actually making a copy of the key to the hostel lock
The valentine’s day phone call
The endless wondering and day dreaming
The plans we made for the coming years
The fights
The serious planning and scheming for some things that seem stupid now
The spontaneous trip planned to the South
How we actually went on that trip 😛
The stupid novels we planned we’d write [still hope we do]
The stupid love story they made up… it still haunts me
The childish, egoistic, but innocent girl 😛
The bonds I made.. friends and enemies
The rediscovery of myself as a person
The people.. whatever you say, delhi is a land of opportunity.. most people are not from delhi, but have migrated, and this city has given them a chance to succeed.. no matter how many people think that delhi is filled with the same type of people.. everyone has their own story and I was interested in listening to all of them 😉
The one guy because of whom all this happened.. my best friend
Itni vyast kyun rehti ho, lagta hai kisi cheez se bhaag rahi ho.. kya wo zindagi hai ya maut, yeh to tum hi jaanti ho. ya fir shaamil ho hi gayi ho tum bhi iss duniya ki chakachaund mein, paise aur taakat ke iss ghinaune khel mein.. kabhi rook kar dekho, kuch log khade hain raahon mein, tumse keh rahe hain kuch, yeh zindagi koi daud nahi hai, manzil to sabki ek hai. kyon rehti ho betaab tum, zara do pal hume bhi to kaho — me
“Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the “love” of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.” – Eckhart Tolle
So.. I was listening to a particular song and this just hit me.. it’s just a small post:
So, if according to my definition, love is unconditional care, then I think I’ve figured out the meaning of this.
“Ishq di mere mitra pehchan ki, mit jaave jado zidd apnaan di”
Well you know, if loving someone is unconditional care.. then being with them or not is just not important you see.. it just matters that they’re with someone who can take of them according to you. I mean if you think you can take the best care of them, then sure.. you wanna be with them.. but If you think someone else can take better care of them.. then you’d want them to be with this person.. it all depends on self confidence, doesn’t it?
Well.. that solves the mystery to Kal Ho Na Ho, Namastey London and all those other love stories where the hero is ready to sacrifice his lady love..
P.S. I know this post isn’t anything important, but it just hit me and I guess I just wanted to share..
P.P.S. Here’s the song I was listening to:
P.P.P.S. That song there is dedicated to a special[definitely] friend[maybe] of mine who has been so so understanding..I just wanna say..
You are the most polite person I’ve ever met.. and I just couldn’t believe how you were taking all my ranting and were still pacifying me and just trying to make me understand, I mean you didn’t get irritated for even one second… and just your overall attitude.. I think I have suffered a big loss losing you as a friend.. anyway.. have a happy life and keep rocking that attitude!
Love.. one of the big questions in life.. what is it?
It’s been floating around in my mind for some time and I thought it was time I got it out, just to de-fog my mind.
I guess by now, we’ve all made perceptions about it. For example, for my room-mate, it is something divine, beyond normal words like “care”, “like” and it’s a big motivator in life.
I think most of my friends don’t even think about it.. it just is.. but I’ve got this curse or blessing that my mind loves overworking and I can’t control it.
So, let me put it all in my words. I first started to think about love when I had my first crush. My first definition was “Nature’s trick to get us to mate” and my explanation for that feeling was that I was crazy and filmy.
And maybe my filminess was very adamant, cuz it happened again. Needless to say, it was a crush, and I figured that I was just attracted to her.. Love still had the same definition for me.
But with time I’ve grown up, and I like to think that I’ve matured too [:)]
And now, I think that love is nothing other than unconditional care. I mean there are various points supporting my theory. Parents care for us no matter what we become. Anyone else doesn’t… they love and expect, so maybe not unconditional love.. but in that league. And it happens when we get used to people.. I mean we get attached to them, their nuances, their vices and their good habits. Everything else is just our need for social attachment or attraction, based on the kind of love. So, I could fall in love with any girl as long as I stay with her for a long time/some time. I figured that’s how arranged marriages work.
So.. a good definition right?
I thought so too.. until I got intrigued by another girl. I can’t say it was attraction cuz I’ve never thought about any of the girls mentioned above like that. I was always just intrigued.. wanting to know more about them. I could say that I was trying to fill mental holes.. but I wasn’t looking for anything like that.. at least not this year… it just happened.
I’m not saying this is love. I’m just trying to figure life out. Cuz that’s what humans try to do, isn’t it? Finding patterns, setting theories and testing them to confirm. We like to believe that there are some ground rules and we can learn them and live life easily.. but I guess life surprises you like this…
Back and Forth 