My perspective on things around me…..

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Therapy

Sometimes, writing is therapeutic, sometimes I write to calm myself, to see the truth, to not be lead astray…

Dil chodd de ye zidd inn dilkash lamho ki,

Inke Haq mukammal ho chuke zamaano ki baat hai

Inn aahton ki dhoop ki chahatein naa kar

Inmein jalke zinda rehna parwaano ki baat hai

 

And then sometimes, it just flows out of me.. like a stream I have no hopes of controlling, I can only wait for it to pass.. and hope that I can hold on, keep my feet on the ground and keep moving

Sab jod k ab chodd de, Iss waqt ka pahiya tod de

Dil dil ka chakkar chod de, Iss mod se ab muh mod le

Kuch dil k tukde baant de, Iss gum ka rasta chodd de

Gumm jaa hadd k galiyaaro se, Ab sharm ka ghunghat oddh le

 

Par maan le kaise baat ye, Iss dil ka dard prakop hai

Lad lein iss duniya se bhi ab, Iss zid ka koi naa tod hai

Ladna mushkil sa hai par ab, Uss nadaani si soch se

Uski baato ki nok se, Usske dil ki uss chot se

 

Anjaan bane baithe hain bass, Ikk  darr se naata jod k

Hain choron ki hum basti mein, aur dil bhi humse chor hai

Lutt kar baithe hain kabse hum, ikk parde ka afsos hai

 

Inn bikhri tooti yaadon ka, kuch mol nhi unn nazro mein

Inn lamho aur tasweero ko anmol banaye baithe hain

Dil se ladne ka zor nhi, Kya haal banaye baithe hain

Random thoughts of a kukoo heart

I had a horrible dream.. it was very sweet and enjoyable actually.. but it left me disturbed when I woke up, at the thought of my inner screwed up sense of love and relationship even if I’m outwardly very enlightened and intelligent about dealing with these matters now.. Anyway, I calmed myself by writing couplets and these are the choice couple out of half a dozen.. halfway decent I’d say :P

Chahat ke bazaar mein roz ek nayi chahat se dil behlaate hain..

Mohobbat ke deewano ka yaha koi kaam nahi

Perhaps not self explanatory, cuz I had to actually explain it to the couple of people who read it.. here chah carries its literal meaning ‘want’. So what it’s trying to say is that the heart is a jitterbug.. chanchal you know.. it gets attracted to something new everyday.. it gets obsessed with something new everyday.. and it’s very selfish.. the heart wants what the heart wants.. and these wants change everyday as old attractions fade and new ones develop..

Mohobbat here refers to love, which is eternal, not limited to lovers, flowing in all directions, maybe more concentrated towards some people, but it’s not selfish.. it’s a positive feeling.. how can it be negative when there are no expectations.. there are expectations in relationships.. not in love.. it’s boundless..

Anyway.. here’s another one.. self explanatory

Shamaa ke bazaar mein parwaano ka sauda kar aye..

Iss khel ko yaaro hum uski chaukhat par khatm kar aye..

Boht laanat di dil k saudagro ne..

Hum dil k tukdo ka ikk aur taufa kubool kar aye

Ship of Theseus

I just finished watching Anand Gandhi’s Ship of Theseus. It’s an amazing piece of art by the way. One of the most beautiful and moving films I’ve ever seen. Anyway, I visited their FB page and there was a contest for free DVDs or something, and I just entered on a whim. In the form, there was a question, Is it still the same ship? Huh.. that got me thinking. So I just wanted to repost my response here, which came pouring out of my heart, through my fingers, some thoughts I didn’t even know existed. I just wanted to keep a record of this here.

From an outside perspective, for all intents and purposes, I’d argue that it’s still the same ship, because it’s playing the same role and the same part with respect to all the people that interact with it. We are not primarily defined by our own inner thoughts and ideas, but by our actions, our relationships, our gestures, our place in society and how we effect the world around us. It’s like batman said, it’s not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me.
As far as the innermost self is concerned, it’s constantly changing. Each moment, each thought, each realization changes something inside of us that we can’t undo. We keep learning, we keep unlearning, and so we keep changing. Something that was so important to us moments ago, may no longer hold any value. So are we ever the same even if the body, the cells remain the same? Aren’t we reborn with new thoughts and ideas every second? Yet, we perceive our inner self to be the same.
You can choose to look at it any way you like, just as described so beautifully in the film, you don’t know where you end and where your environment begins.

P.S. You can watch the movie for free here: http://cineoo.com/sot/  Do watch it, it’s pretty brilliant.

What is Hope

Originally posted on Happy Heart:

hope1
Hope is an abstract thing that means expectation and belief in something over which one has little or no control at all. Hope is priceless to me. I find hope priceless because it leads to other feelings. If someone enters a contest, the hope of winning will turn into excitement. Competitiveness is another emotion brought by hope. If someone enters a race and hopes to win, they will feel competitiveness mixing with hope.

Hope can bring surprise, too. If someone is almost sure there is no way to succeed at something, and they manage to succeed, their hope will burst into surprise. Hope helps people live.

Hope is a lifeline to me. If I am in an inescapable hole, I hope for the best. This hope is like a light in my mind hiding the dark so I can look on better things. Then when I make it through, and…

View original 107 more words

More on relationships.. and their perceived importance

Relationships can’t really be defined. Sure, we put labels on them, like friends, family, partner, lover, but there is no line that defines each of them separately. I mean is the difference between friends and lovers only sex? but don’t people have sex with strangers? Let’s just say they have different meanings for different people at different points of time. I always defined them as any form emotional connect between two people.

Maybe because of this simplistic interpretation, I’ve always been aloof about relationships. My rationale is pretty full proof too :P. I mean, we have not seen or experienced life without our parents, there is no version of reality where we existed without them. Still when we lose them, life doesn’t stop. We still go on, we learn to live without them. So we must be able to live without anybody. Sure, it might take us time to get over them, but no matter how important they were to us, no matter how dependent we were on them, life doesn’t stop and we learn to cope.

But what about those relationships that we lose along the way. The friends we haven’t called for years who were our other halves, the lovers we thought we couldn’t live without, the acquaintances we lost touch with. What makes these relationships different? Why is it that some relationships leave gashes of despair when they are broken, and some end without so much as a whimper. It’s not like they weren’t deep connections, it’s not like you weren’t dependent on those people, it’s not like you hadn’t shared secrets with them, or hadn’t spent countless hours contemplating the stupidest bullshit, and yet you don’t even feel their absence, you don’t feel that connection slipping from your heart.

So where does the difference lie? I don’t have the slightest idea.

I know it happens, I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. And I do have a theory. I think it’s because of the fact that human beings are selfish assholes. I think the reason we don’t feel the loss of some relationships, is we don’t perceive the importance of the relationship based on the person, but on the role that relationship plays in our life right now.We need certain people to play certain roles in our life at different times, and we value them for that. But, as soon as that role is no longer important, the person loses importance as well.

Maybe that’s how relationships deteriorate. People change, and their needs change, and maybe you are just not needed anymore. Your emotional needs are more like baggage, and there is always a breaking point for how much someone’s willing to carry. Maybe that’s why some relationships sustain, when people change together, you know, “You have gaps, I have gaps, together, we fill gaps”.  I think that’s why it’s a little easier later in your life, to cope with your parent’s death as well. You don’t have that strong a need for that role of a guardian and guide anymore.

Maybe.. but your guess is just as good as mine..

Ramblings about relationships

I used to mock this one friend, whose girl(friend) was kind of moody, got angry frequently, yelled a lot. And although admittedly she’s a fun person when she isn’t being all that, I always advised him.. dude is she worth it for you? Is the drama worth the good times?

These days, I feel I was being a complete idiot :P

I mean relationships form themselves, you don’t really work actively to develop a relationship with somebody. Even if you do, if there isn’t some genuine feeling behind the action, you both know it. ‘Salesman’ class of people can fool you for some time, but some cracks start to emerge.. eventually. If a relationship is developing, even by conscious effort, beyond a certain point, it’s out of your control.. it’ll keep it’s own pace.. it’ll grow or not grow naturally.. you can’t force it beyond.

And when  a relationship has formed, this is it. It’s a part of you now. There’s no fear or at least there shouldn’t be. You don’t fear your best friend’s gonna choose another friend and then he’s not gonna be a part of your life. Even if that happens, you don’t fear it, or at least you shouldn’t, because it’s out of your hands now, the relationship will charter it’s own course. It’s alive, actively affected by other’s thoughts and actions.

And why I feel like a fool for saying what I said? Because relationships aren’t business transactions, they’re not logical.. they’re random. You can choose to rip it out of your life,sure, but it’s gonna leave scars.. it’s gonna take a part of you with itself. You’ll feel the suffering of the relationship as it rots. And the relationship truly isn’t worth it when it’s being yanked on and pulled because of your actions, or the other person’s actions or the society’s actions. And you’re willing to suffer the pain of cutting a part of yourself because the pain of that thread slowly pulling apart is just too much to bear.

Maybe my opinion will change. Maybe I’ll realize that you can manage relationships logically without feeling you’re putting on an act. Maybe it’ll not feel so fake. Maybe.. it does come naturally to some people.. maybe sociopaths are the ones who really have it all figured out.

Anand

Kayi duniya ke maare mein

Kuch shayad kismet se bechaare hain

Sabko bhar bhar milta hai

Ismein koi jaat paat ka sawaal nahi

Kuch mann kho kar mol chukate hain

Kuch muft mein hi batorte jaate hain

Kuch khelon ki tadbeer sahi,

Kuch apni hi taqdeer sahi..

Tohfe mein sabko milte hain,

Duniya ki ikk reet sahi..

Kuch mantar phoonk chalate hain

Kuch zehr ka zor apnaate hain

Kuch doob jaate hain terne ki firaak mein

Kuch paniyo mein ghul jaate hain

Kuch ikk nayi si baat bhi bataate hain

Jaante hain k ise lauta nahi sakte kahin

Mita nahi sakte naa bhasm hote hain ye,

Haar gaye kayi gehraaiyaan dhoondte dhoondte,

jahan inhe abhi bhi poori tarah dabaa nahi sakte

Samet te hain pal.. bade shaunk se ye

Inn gehre kaale paniyo mein motiyo ki talaash karte hain..

Kuch hassne hasaane ki baat kiya karte hain shayad

Kehte hain, dukh apne liye rakh, Anand sabke liye

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